Eggplant.place

299d

The burn was big wi’ spate,
An’ there cam’ tum’lin doon
Tapsalteerie the half o’ a gate,
Wi’ an auld fish-hake an’ a great muckle skate,
An’ a lum hat wantin’ the croon!

—David Rorie, “The Lum Hat Wantin’ the Croon”

As things start to thaw in the north-east, mind how ye go…

#Scottish #literature #poem #poetry #song #20thcentury #humour #Scots #Scotslanguage

The Lum Hat Wantin’ the Croon
Dr David Rorie

The burn was big wi’ spate,
An’ there cam’ tum’lin doon
Tapsalteerie the half o’ a gate,
Wi’ an auld fish-hake an’ a great muckle skate,
An’ a lum hat wantin’ the croon!

The auld wife stude on the bank
As they gaed swirlin’ roun’,
She took a gude look an’ syne says she:
“There’s food an’ there’s firin’ gaun to the sea,
An’ a lum hat wantin’ the croon!”

Sae she gruppit the branch o’ a saugh,
An’ she kickit aff ane o’ her shoon,
An’ she stuck oot her fit – but it caught in the gate,
An’ awa’ she went wi’ the great muckle skate,
An’ the lum hat wantin’ the croon!

She floatit fu’ mony a mile,
Past cottage an’ village an’ toon,
She’d an awfu’ time astride o’ the gate,
Though it seemed to gree fine wi’ the great muckle skate,
An’ the lum hat wantin’ the croon!

A fisher was walkin’ the deck,
By the licht o’ his pipe an’ the mune,
When he sees an auld body astride o’ a gate,
Come bobbin’ alang in the waves wi’ a skate,
An’ a lum hat wantin’ the croon!

ALT

“There’s a man overboard!” cries he,
“Ye leear!” says she, “I’ll droon!
A man on a boord! It’s a wife on a gate,
It’s auld Mistress Mackintosh here wi’ a skate,
An’ a lum hat wantin’ the croon!”

Was she nippit to death at the Pole?
Has India bakit her broon?
I canna tell that, but whatever her fate,
I’ll wager ye’ll find it was shared by a skate,
An’ a lum hat wantin’ the croon!

There’s a moral attached to my sang,
On greed ye should aye gie a froon,
When ye think o’ the wife that was lost for a gate,
An auld fish-hake an’ a great muckle skate,
An’ a lum hat wantin’ a croon!

ALT

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299d

"Draw me like one of your French tubers."

#humor #humour

a turnip that looks like a human body reclining back and leaning up against a teacup

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170d

Best buds staying hydrated on a thirsty #caturday!

#cat #cats #catsofmastodon #catstodon #humor #humour

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211d

Lesung aus #primafeingemacht Warum der Filmer unruhig auf dem Stuhl rumrutscht? Könnte mit dem Text zusammenhängen... 😅

Wir berichten heute Abend bei #drückstemalrecord #podcast
#literatur #fedibuch #schriftsteller #lesung #lustig #live #humour #comedy #kleinkunst #martinabrandl #lesebühne #autorin @bookstodon @Sistersofcomedy #getshorties #buch #böblingen #bookstodon

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298d

“I have a harmonium and it’s going to explode in two minutes”

Ivor Cutler (1923–2006) – poet, singer, musician, songwriter, artist, humorist – was born #OTD, 15 Jan

In 2013, to mark what would have been his 90th birthday, BBC Radio 4 celebrated his life & career:

1/7

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0381jzt

#Scottish #literature #poetry #music #humour #surrealism #absurdist #IvorCutler

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211d

#Meme #Humour

A meme showing Transformers characters Optimus Prime and Bumblebee. Bumblebee says, "Nice Shoes Optimus!" Optimus Prime, whose feet are replaced with two actual white Ford E-Series vans, replies, "Thanks Bumblebee They're Vans."

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1y

Just a friendly reminder that if you haven't seen The Good Place, you're missing out on some of the best TV writing ever 😁

@philosophy @psychology @thinkingaboutthinking
@humour
#Thinking #Memes #Humor #Humour
#TheGoodPlace #TV #TvShows
#The #Good #Place #Neighborhood #Rocks

There panel meme about writing from the show The Good Place.
1. When you’re not sure how to solve your own mystery story:
2. Ted Danson as Michael saying, "Now, I've investigated all of the rocks in the neighborhood.
3. A bag of ordinary rocks, "These 78 are the most suspicious."

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212d

#Meme #Humour

A meme featuring the character Officer Ramathorn from the movie Super Troopers looking at a driver's license through a car window. Text at the top reads: "This is a meme checkpoint. Show me the most recent meme saved to your phone."

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1y

Comedian Bec Shaw is tired of the argument that "wokeness" is ruining comedy because "you can't joke about anything anymore." She writes in her Substack about how often that sentiment is wielded to justify "the most hack, unfunny, mean-spirited, boring jokes that have ever existed." She continues: "People are whining and frothing at the mouth to be able to 'say what they want,' and what they desperately want to say is… the same old jokes we’ve heard over and over for years." Tell us in the comments what you think.

https://flip.it/7XNU1n

#Comedy #Humour #Humor #CancelCulture #Wokeness

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61d

I think Ashley has the potential to write some really great revenge fiction 😜😂

@galacticwriters @bookstodon @writingbooks @humor @humor@lemmy.world @aiop

#Therapy
#WritingMemes #Meme #Humor #Humour #Geek
#Author #IndieAuthor #Indie #Writers #Writing #WritingCommunity #WritersOfMastodon

Post by StoriesToldByAshley

Therapist: What do we do when we're sad?
Author: Base your characters off of the people that upset you and brutally kill them all off.
Therapist: No
Author: *starts writing in notebook*

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1y

His name is Polar Vortex. And he is cross.

#caturday #cat #cats #catstodon #catsofmastodon #humor #humour

little white kitten sitting on a human's lap, looking cross, with all it's hair pointing in one direction

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103d

Happy reading! 😊

@reading @bookstodon @books @humor @humor@lemmy.world @aiop @joinin

#ReadingMemes #Meme #Humor #Humour #Funny #Geek #Reading #Readers #ReadingCommunity #AmReading #Novel #Books #Fiction #Bookstodon

Meme with five photos of a man looking increasingly ecstatic.
Captions:
1: You start a new book
2: You're off the next day
3: All chores and errands are done; and there's leftovers in the fridge
4: The blanket is warm
5: All of the sudden starts raining and there's thunder in the distance

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293d

I'd like to replace that last one with, "Books where you can figure out the end after reading the first few pages." 😜😁

@reading @bookstodon @books @humor @humor@lemmy.world @aiop

#Book #Books #BookMemes #Meme #Memes #Humor #Humour #Funny
#ReadingMemes #ReadAllTheBooks #Reading #Readers #ReadersOfMastodon #ReadingCommunity
#Litterature #Novel #Novels #Bookshelf #Mastobooks #BooksofMastodon #Bookstodon #Bookworm #Bookwyrm #Bookstodon #BookLove

Types of headached memes showing four heads with diffrent amounts of red to indicate severity.
1: Some red, Migrane
2: Some red, Hypertension
3: Some red, Stress
4: Full red all over head, book doesn't end how you thought it should

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1y

Sure, but does anyone start reading the classics? Reading on any level should be encouraged 😊

@reading @bookstodon @bookbubble @humour

#ReadingMemes #Memes #ReadAllTheBooks #Humor #Humour #YA
#Reading #Readers #ReadersOfMastodon #ReadingCommunity
#Book #Books #Novel #Novels #Fiction
#Recommendation #Bookrecommendation
#Bookwyrm #Bookworm #Bookstodon #BookLove #BoostingIsSharing

Post by @MATCHAURA
‘reading classics doesn’t make you any better than wattpad readers’ okay it does a little come on now

Reply by @l_ou_r_de s
As a society, we need to stop pretending that YA is a decent genre when it's the literary equivalent of a marvel movie.

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191d

People always say you shouldn't rush growing up, so I'm saving my adulthood for when they put me in the incinerator 😜😂

@reading @bookstodon @books @humor @humor@lemmy.world @aiop @worldbuilding

#SpeculativeFiction #FantasyBooks
#FantasyMemes #Fantasy #Tolkien #LotR #Hobbit
#ReadingMemes #Meme #Memes #Humor #Humour #Funny
#Reading #Readers #ReadingCommunity
#Novel #Books #Fiction
#Bookwyrm #Bookstodon

Post by ohsalome:
Me, aged 14, reading Tolkien: Hobbits are considered
chuldren until they are 30? How funky! Fantasy
worldbuilding! This is so different from us humans!
Me, aged 25: Oh i get it now
Reply by roguebelle:
Me, aged 34: Actually the Hobbits might be rushing
things a bit.

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288d

My Son, these maxims make a rule,
An’ lump them aye thegither;
The Rigid Righteous is a fool,
The Rigid Wise anither…

—Robert Burns, “Address to the Unco Guid, or the Ridgidly Righteous”

#Scottish #literature #RobertBurns #BurnsNight #poem #poetry #18thcentury #humour

Address to the Unco Guid, or the Ridgidly Righteous
Robert Burns

My Son, these maxims make a rule,
An’ lump them aye thegither;
The Rigid Righteous is a fool,
The Rigid Wise anither:
The cleanest corn that ere was dight
May hae some pyles o’ caff in;
So ne’er a fellow-creature slight
For random fits o’ daffin.
—Solomon, Eccles. 7. 16

O ye wha are sae guid yoursel’,
Sae pious and sae holy,
Ye’ve nought to do but mark and tell
Your neibours’ fauts and folly!
Whase life is like a weel-gaun mill,
Supplied wi’ store o’ water;
The heaped happer’s ebbing still,
An’ still the clap plays clatter.

Hear me, ye venerable core,
As counsel for poor mortals
That frequent pass douce Wisdom’s door
For glaikit Folly’s portals:
I, for their thoughtless, careless sakes,
Would here propone defences—
Their donsie tricks, their black mistakes,
Their failings and mischances.

Ye see your state wi’ theirs compared,
And shudder at the niffer;
But cast a moment’s fair regard,
What maks the mighty differ;
Discount what scant occasion gave,
That purity ye pride in;
And (what’s aft mair than a’ the lave),
Your better art o’ hidin.

Think, when your castigated pulse
Gies now and then a wallop!
What ragings must his veins convulse,
That still eternal gallop!
Wi’ wind and tide fair i’ your tail,
Right on ye scud your sea-way;
But in the teeth o’ baith to sail,
It maks a unco lee-way.

ALT

See Social Life and Glee sit down,
All joyous and unthinking,
Till, quite transmugrified, they’re grown
Debauchery and Drinking:
O would they stay to calculate
Th’ eternal consequences;
Or your more dreaded hell to state,
Damnation of expenses!

Ye high, exalted, virtuous dames,
Tied up in godly laces,
Before ye gie poor Frailty names,
Suppose a change o’ cases;
A dear-lov’d lad, convenience snug,
A treach’rous inclination—
But let me whisper i’ your lug,
Ye’re aiblins nae temptation.

Then gently scan your brother man,
Still gentler sister woman;
Tho’ they may gang a kennin wrang,
To step aside is human: ‍‍
One point must still be greatly dark,—
The moving Why they do it;‍‍
And just as lamely can ye mark,
How far perhaps they rue it.

Who made the heart, ’tis He alone
Decidedly can try us;
He knows each chord, its various tone,
Each spring, its various bias:
Then at the balance let’s be mute,
We never can adjust it;
What’s done we partly may compute,
But know not what’s resisted.

ALT

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288d

O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us
An’ foolish notion:
What airs in dress an’ gait wad lea’e us,
And ev’n Devotion!

—Robert Burns, “To a Louse”
from Poems, Chiefly in the Scottish Dialect: The Luath Kilmarnock Edition, illustrated by Bob Dewar

https://luath.co.uk/products/poems-chiefly-in-the-scottish-dialect?variant=42807652581526

#Scottish #literature #RobertBurns #BurnsNight #poem #poetry #18thcentury #humour

To a Louse, On Seeing one on a Lady’s Bonnet at Church
Robert Burns

Ha! whare ye gaun, ye crowlan ferlie!
Your impudence protects you sairly:
I canna say but ye strunt rarely,
Owre gawze and lace;
Tho’ faith, I fear ye dine but sparely,
On sic a place.

Ye ugly, creepan, blastet wonner,
Detested, shunn’d, by saunt an’ sinner,
How daur ye set your fit upon her,
Sae fine a Lady!
Gae somewhere else and seek your dinner,
On some poor body.

Swith, in some beggar’s haffet squattle;
There ye may creep, and sprawl, and sprattle,
Wi’ ither kindred, jumping cattle,
In shoals and nations;
Whare horn nor bane ne’er daur unsettle,
Your thick plantations.

ALT

Now haud you there, ye’re out o’ sight,
Below the fatt’rels, snug and tight,
Na faith ye yet! ye’ll no be right,
Till ye’ve got on it,
The vera topmost, towrin height
O’ Miss’s bonnet.

My sooth! right bauld ye set your nose out,
As plump an’ gray as onie grozet:
O for some rank, mercurial rozet,
Or fell, red smeddum,
I’d gie you sic a hearty dose o’t,
Wad dress your droddum!

I wad na been surpriz’d to spy
You on an auld wife’s flainen toy;
Or aiblins some bit duddie boy,
On ’s wylecoat;
But Miss’s fine Lunardi, fye!
How daur ye do ’t?

ALT

O Jenny dinna toss your head,
An’ set your beauties a’ abread!
Ye little ken what cursed speed
The blastie’s makin!
Thae winks and finger-ends, I dread,
Are notice takin!

O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us
An’ foolish notion:
What airs in dress an’ gait wad lea’e us,
And ev’n Devotion!

ALT

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224d

This is how I feel when I look at my TBR pile 😜😂

@reading @bookstodon @books @humor @humor@lemmy.world @aiop @joinin

#ReadingMemes #Meme #Memes #ReadAllTheBooks #Humor #Humour #Funny
#Reading #Readers #ReadersOfMastodon #ReadingCommunity
#Book #Books #Novel #Novels #Fiction
#Bookwyrm #Bookworm #Bookstodon

Drawing of a sorcerer sitting behind a talbe filled with crystalballs, on each ball has been editing in the text "unread book".

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224d

Batman needs to chill. But he and Mr. Bubbles aren't wrong.

#batman #robin #meme #humor #humour

batman slapping robin meme:
robin: maybe people don't want to see your cat pics
batman: yes they do
Also, a black cat is slapping robin

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288d

I have to say I feel we're missing a few steps towards an explanation of how "for suppository use only" got in the mix of approprite warning lables 🤔😂

@libraries @Libraries@fedigroups.social @library @books @bookstodon @humor @humor@lemmy.world @aiop

#Library #LibraryMemes #Meme #Memes #Libraries #Librarians #Book #Books #BookMemes #Meme #Memes #Humor #Humour #Funny
#Litterature #Novel #Novels #Mastobooks #BooksofMastodon #Bookstodon #Bookworm #Bookwyrm #Bookstodon #BookLove

Post by Jennifer Goodland

At today's staff meeting we discussed the need for warning labels for our books.
Like “not microwave safe”
“not dishwasher safe”
“for suppository use only”

The discussion was prompted by another library where a patron got their book wet, tried to dry it out in the microwave, and the metallic RFID tag destroyed both the microwave and the book.

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246d

I want more libraries, but I also want more birdhouses, it's a conundrum 😁

@libraries @Libraries@fedigroups.social @library @books @bookstodon @humor @humor@lemmy.world @aiop

#Library #LibraryMemes #Meme #Memes #Libraries #Librarians #Humor #Humour #Funny
#Bookstodon #Bookworm #Bookwyrm #BookLove

Comic from bizarro.com
Two birds stand infront of a little house with a plack saying "Free Library".
One bird says to the other, " Every time I come home from gathering twigs, it's filled with more of these thing."

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286d

So, what we should wish for is that every part of the writing process would be as quick as the idea 🤔

So, writers start looking for that magic lamp or whatever wish-giver you believe in...😁
Lets see what the disastrously hilarious consequences will be 😜

@galacticwriters @writers @books
@writingbooks @keepwriting @aiop

#Ideas
#WritingMemes #Meme #Memes #Humor #Humour
#Author #Authors #IndieAuthor #IndieBooks #AmWriting #Writerdons #Writers #Writer #Writing #WritingCommunity #Writinglife