Hey #ADHD and #AuDHD friends, as I sit down to finish a project I wanted to share that "brown noise" has really helped me focus when it comes to doing college tasks/homework.
I tend to listen to this one most of all:
audhd
Had some outing with colleagues.
“You - autistic? No way, you’re so talkative!”
Spent first half(the one outside) of the event wandering away from the group taking photos of nature and when insisted on talking and interacting by others - repeatedly trying to show them the place with colchicums or brambleberries, or blackthorns, or pointing out a booted eagle(?) in the skies and making jokes over its name.
Spend the second half(the one in a tavern) talking to everyone more or less willing to interact, almost not shutting up, ending up oversharing(and instantly regretting that A LOT) and letting go a few tears because of not being able to fully control the emotions.
Now at home fully exhausted, drained out, feeling physically bad, not wanting to see people for a week, horrified by a sheer thought of the need to go to work on Monday and regretting agreeing to go on that outing and promising myself to never go at any event again and not interact with people again
That’s what #AuDHD is like.
Reading about task initiation strategies and as someone who uses them (to do lists, breaking down larger tasks into smaller ones, pomodoro/time limits) feels like there are no options for someone like me who is really struggling with task initiation and executive function due to autistic burnout.
Are there any other tips out there? And DO NOT tell me to rest/do nothing because I am a sole caretaker and in a precarious financial situation. Thank you.
@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD
Just spent a couple hours in a coworking call with friends and managed to get my whole big desk tidied and big chunks of my office organized. Whoah.
I'm IN AWE of the power of body doubling. No matter how many times it happens, every time it still feels incredible, like why aren't all us neurodivergent people doing this more.
Today is not going according to my wishes or vague plans. Trying not to stress out over it & I'm losing myself in thoughts over how to simplify & organise next year's bullet journal.
This spiralled into, how can I get back on the, dealing with housework & cleaning wagon, as at some point I completely fell off. So, major paralysis on how or where to start.
Toying with the idea of introducing a, do one small thing everyday either before or immediately after breakfast, so that it's done.
Just small things like, clean the bathroom sink or pick up some random crap that I never tidied up.
If I can persuade myself to write down that I did it & when & then do the same for the following times that things get done, I might eventually have a realistic roster of things. Just need to remember to keep it flexible. If the day the floor need vacuuming I'm not up to it, swap it for something else or just shunt everything along a day.
As long as I don't fall into the trap of shunting things along indefinitely, I might be okay.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Life #TidyUp #CleanUp #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons
I really wish my Mam wasn't such a technophobe. Doubly annoying that she lives so far away & triply so that she doesn't ask one of her more tech savvy friend's to help her get to grips with her phone.
The flip side is that she's the only person who phones me so I have no way to verify if all the phone call woes are her accidentally triggering things by touching buttons or things on screen (I can imagine her holding the phone slightly away from her ear so the in-call screen is displayed) & putting herself on mute or me on hold.
Is it her or has my phone, network or the Lineage OS developed problems?
After today's particularly Mute & Hold heavy call, or calls - I'd have to hang up & phone her again & again to get back to having a conversation instead of hearing nothing or being on hold - I hope she will take my strong suggestion of asking one, or some of her friends to help her.
I was hoping she would be coming over for xmas or new year's, giving me a chance to check her phone, maybe minimize google spying & if I can figure out how to be patient enough show her how to use her phone whilst knowing she won't remember or will struggle to remember.
I'd also have to hope I can still fathom how phones running android OS work as it's been several years.
I don't have the spoons to go visit her & with the festively terrible (non-existant) public transport between hers & the nearest hotel ensuring my spoon tank is permanently empty for the duration so it's probably not a good idea.
Last year I left her's on xmas day just before we were going to have dinner. Walking back to the hotel in tears & having snacks instead of a good meal. I do not recommend as it's probably my worst xmas & would not like a repeat. 😔😢😞.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #SelfCare #Technophobia #TechEducation #TechFails #EpicTechFails #Enshittification
I wanted to make explicit why I am so deeply opposed to even someone as incompetent and unscientific as RFK Jr' investigating autism for its "cause".
It is because in my reading of history, no one has ever looked for a "cause" of some human condition without at least considering the possibility of finding an off switch.
Now when we're talking cancer, that's good and appropriate. It kills people. Greed, too, should be carefully fought. It kills way more people.
But autism doesn't generally kill. Not directtly, certainly. It's just a different way of thinking and perceiving and being present in the world. It's not a disease, and autistic people don't need to be "cured".
And more importantly, humanity needs not to look for, let alone find or develop, that off switch.
It's flat out eugenics. The elimination of undesirables. Doing it before we're born doesn't make it okay. Doesn't make it morally right. We contribute to the world in many ways. To society. Even if we don't always understand it.
But we uphold the social contract. Well, unless someone figures out that it's all based on BS, then it gets trickier, but as a rule, we do uphold the social contract.
So yes. If someone says they're looking for the "cause" of something that doesn't actually harm anyone, like transgender identity, or nonbinaryness, or asexuality, or autism, or anything else that's frankly harming almost no one, start asking them *why* they want to find that cause. What do they want to do once they find it?
Cause you turn over enough rocks, sometimes you get the bugs with the swastikas on them.
Maybe it is actually #alexithymia speaking, but I am pretty sure I can’t feel hate.
Like, I can feel despise, disgust, loathe, horror, fear etc - but hate? Hate assumes certain amount of passion, strength - it’s something too big to bother to maintain for someone you don’t like.
Maybe it’s just my #autistic negation to use definitive labels - like the hesitancy to consider what I can feel ‘love’ or to call someone a friend.
In that discussion about learning languages, I asked the opponent why wouldn’t the approach with throwing into the language one is learning not work for most people if that’s the exact way the kids learn to talk: kids don’t have any language to translate to - and they told me that we’re not kids and that adults learn differently.
And I was thinking: do we really? Maybe that’s exactly why #autism and #ADHD are considered neurodevelopment disorders: we just partially stay kids forever? Like, a lot of things which are symptoms are considered normal for kids of certain age. Like, most of what makes others consider my behavior weird in my forties is something that would have been seen as totally natural to a seven-years-old, no?
#neurodivergent
#AuDHD
@autistics
Was talking with someone recently about learning languages, and they were complaining how in a new country the language classes for the newcomers who supposedly don’t know the language or know very little(A0) are made in a language which they are learning. The person complaining was saying that this shouldn’t be the case because it’s impossible to learn this way.
I was very surprised to hear that, because I also passed through the similar classes - and this actually is THE MOST efficient way to learn a language for me. I need to be thrown into it and don’t have any way to slack, don’t have any way to express myself in another language. Giving me vocabulary and rules per se is not going to help me talk. But having no other way to interact does help me understand the language kinda intuitively, to feel the grammar - and to learn all that vocabulary in a much more efficient way. I do need to learn the rules - absolutely, but I need to learn them along the way.
And as for making me talk - oh my! - it’s easier to me to talk here in Spanish to a person I don’t know than it was in my own country in my own language: somehow it becomes more a linguistic quest than a social interaction, and the linguistic quests I was taught to solve in these classes.
I wonder if this need to not have other options has something to do with being #neurodivergent and #AuDHD in particular.
What proportion of your classic autistic symptoms do you think are due to you being autistic, and what proportion may be due to trauma you've suffered?
List of trauma symptoms here, for those not familiar: https://www.neurofabulous.org.uk/trauma-symptoms.html
List of classic autistic symptoms, as listed in the DSM, here: https://www.autismspeaks.org/autism-diagnostic-criteria-dsm-5
#Autism #ASD #Autistic #AuDHD #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #Trauma #CPTSD #ActuallyAutistic
Options: (choose one)
@autistics I've just started reading Russell #Barkley's "Taking Charge of Adult ADHD" (2nd edition, 2022). Since my #AuDHD self-diagnosis in late 2024, the autism part of the diagnosis has been so rivetingly fascinating that I've been neglecting the #ADHD aspect; I find I actually have to force myself to focus on #ADHD. The reason for focusing on it is that unlike autism, which is more a difference requiring accommodation than a disorder requiring treatment, #ADHD does appear to be a genuine pathology — something that impairs me, that I'd like to have treated, and for which treatment is available. So it's important to understand it, if only in order to seek treatment. But I'm experiencing more than a little culture shock in going from autism literature (C.L. Lynch, Wenn Lawson, Fergus Murray, Morton Ann Gernsbacher) to #Barkley on #ADHD.
Writers on autism understand quite clearly that impairment is a deviation, not from any statistical norm, but from an individual's potential, which may require an accommodating environment to be brought to realization. #Barkley, by contrast, insists on characterizing the impairment that is a defining characteristic of #ADHD strictly as a deviation from a statistical norm, and responds with intensely withering ridicule to any suggestion that it should be made relative to individual potential:
"Impairment is defined relative to the average person in the population, known as the NORM—it is where most "normal", or typical, people are found to be performing in any domain of life. It does not mean how you are functioning compared to incredibly bright or highly educated people even if you are one. To be impaired, you must be functioning significantly below the norm or the average (typical) person. Why? Because the term DISORDER means just that—you are not functioning typically." (p. 30)
In case that wasn't clear (or insulting) enough, he adds:
"To adopt a standard for defining the term IMPAIRMENT other than comparison with the true norm is like something out of Alice in Wonderland, where nothing is as it seems, and words can have whatever meaning one wishes to give them. Saying that a person functioning as well as or even better than the average or typical population can still be considered impaired makes a mockery of the term DISORDER and does a disservice to those struggling with really not being able to function as well as the norm." (p. 39)
Imagine how this diatribe would sound in the context of physical medicine — sports medicine, say. Suppose a powerlifter who can usually deadlift a 600-pound barbell finds one day that they can only manage 300 pounds, brings this issue to a sports physician with a complaint of impairment — and gets #Barkley's diatribe as a response, with the conclusion that the powerlifter can't be impaired because they can still deadlift far more than most people.
#Barkley should have turned his ridicule on himself.
I'm not sure how much of a practical obstacle this issue will be. Judging by my responses to #ADHD questionnaires — including those in this book — I would probably count as impaired even by their "statistical norm" standards. But if this kind of thinking is the best #ADHD professionals have to offer, interacting with them is likely to require some serious tongue-biting on my part.
So, tbh, I would not change anything about having #Autism and #ADHD. Sure, if I had been diagnosed properly and had more support, some aspects of my life would have been better. But I have no regrets on having a semi-eidetic memory, being able to recognize patterns, thinking outside the box, etc. What I could have used less of? Being bullied, not knowing there were others like me out there (and the subsequent isolation), over-masking and paying the price, having meltdowns from not understanding sensory overstimulation, etc. But it's never too late to delve into self-understanding and awareness, and, most importantly, building community with like-others!
Starting to read "ADHD 2.0" (#Hallowell and #Ratey 2021). At first it seemed perfect, a real breath of fresh air after "Taking Charge of Adult ADHD" (2nd edition, #Barkley 2022). Both authors of "ADHD 2.0" are ADHDers themselves. There was great emphasis on the positive potential of #ADHD — especially welcome after Barkley's relentless pathologizing. They even write:
"A person with ADHD has the power of a Ferrari engine but with bicycle-strength brakes. It's the mismatch of engine power to braking capability that causes the problems."
I was immediately reminded of my own mismatch analogy for #kaleidotropic autism: trying to fly an F-16 with a control system designed for a Cessna — with #AuDHD as an almost inevitable consequence. Not quite the same thing — "control" is much more general than "braking" — but much closer than anything I've ever seen before from any source other than myself. I was thinking: this book is going to be fantastic.
Then I skimmed ahead, into a part of the book I hadn't yet read continuously — and found FAVORABLE references to Applied Behavior Analysis (#ABA). I'm assuming that for most adult autistics, THAT practice needs no introduction.
😱 🤯 🤢 🤮
And, unfortunately, advocacy of #ABA isn't the only example of drill-sergeant thinking that I found. The emphasis on discipline isn't anywhere near as extreme as in Barkley, but it's definitely there. Given the appreciable overlap between ADHD and literal juvenile delinquency, I can understand the temptation to go that route, but it's a very dangerous path to traverse — and it definitely isn't for me. Probably not for anyone with #AuDHD as opposed to standalone #ADHD.
Of course, I admit — and even emphasize — that this is just a first impression from skimming material I haven't yet read continuously. I definitely hope that my final impression is different.
I'm curious if anyone else with #AuDHD or #ADHD finds that an analog watch helps them "center" in time better?
I recently misplaced my favorite analog watch, and my time blindness is much worse w/out it. I go through cycles; weeks where I'm "closer to time" (within 2-3 hours of correct) and weeks where I'm wildly off (I think 2 hours went by when 6 did).
Analog watches are my best tool for improving my chronological dead reckoning. Anyone else's brain like this?
Some autistic people find making phone calls extremely stressful and unpleasant and will avoid them at all costs.
Please don’t try and force your communication preferences on others.
image: anon
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD @actuallyautistic
I’m 23 and I still do not know what I want to do with my life.
I don’t have a dream, a vision.
I mean… maybe I do. There is a small tiny glimpse of a future I see myself in. A strength I aspire to have. A me that is strong and fighting. Wielding my pattern recognition as a weapon. I can see myself advocating, motivating, writing essays and looking for solutions.
But I am afraid of dreaming. I am insecure. I am still learning who I am, I have days where all I can feel is fragility. I need guidance but do not know how to ask for it. “Just start” doesn’t work for my brain. It is too much, too overwhelming.
I am surrounded by so many people who know so much more about these things than I do. Who are leading experts in adjacent fields. And still, I feel apprehension.
I am scared to take up room. Scared to spread my wings.
I have not told anyone about my glimpse because right now, it feels so far away, that I do not believe it possible.
I need time and space to think about it, to focus on myself unapologetically.
But life does not allow that right now, I have different responsibilities, a job I need to cover living expenses.
And I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to start.
I miss believing more than I do dreaming.
Question time.
Have any of you done anything so bold as attend a meetup for autistic adults?
For context, I'm a relatively newly discovered #auDHD er in my late 40s. My last therapist (also auDHD) commented, and I've seen a number of articles saying the same) that it can really help to spend time among fellow NDs, especially when trying to untangle my face from the mask I've been wearing for so many decades.
I'm signed up for a coffee chat group tomorrow and am having second, third, fourth, AND fifth thoughts...especially as I have to go to the farmer's market first, and two outings in one day is a lot right now.
All thoughts, advice, tips, etc are truly appreciated.
Today I had a moment of autistic joy in a social situation.
Where I live there are no parks close by, but three beautiful graveyards, where I go for a walk with Lumi daily.
This morning a woman asked me for specific details about the graveyards, because she wanted to attend a funeral and didn't know which of the three was the right one and I was able to provide these details for her, because recognising details and patterns is how my autistic mind works and experiences joy. It made me very happy that I was able to help her and that I had a social interaction without having to mask my autism, but it being useful for someone else instead.
This reminds me of the comment of a mutual on my post about infodumping concerning the autistic need of gaining knowledge and sharing it with others.
"As an autist, adquiring expertise on something and beeing helpfull with it feels central to socialisation." @maleza
So true.
My debut Big Dance came out 2021, but I only clicked recently, after an adhd and autism dx, that *maybe* its themes of inclusion and joy of glorious diversity was about that? lol.
Anyway it was read on CBeebies last year by Shirley Ballas, and i've had a great PLR year, so here's a library giveaway! Buy a book from me, nominate your local library, and 2 libraries will get a copy.
ENGLAND, WALES AND SCOTLAND ONLY THO, BECAUSE BREXIT (and adhd)
Edited 19d ago
Heeeey @autistics #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD I just got out of the shower and had something on my mind.
How long are your showers? If you have a reason for the duration (sensory overload, require assistance, etc) feel free to reply with it if you're comfortable. I'll share mine.
If you're baths-only feel free to move along. I only get 4 options.
Options: (choose one)
For that reason I am so critical of media presenting autistic people as savants.
You don't have to be a genius, a celebrity, exploit your special interest for capitalism, you don't have to be useful to deserve kindness, patience and love.
Really need to get to bed before midnight tonight, or I turn into a gremlin or something 🤷.
I need to start reclaiming my mornings as it would be nice to get to about lunch time & actually have accomplished some thing. Just simple things maybe but things like a bit of house cleaning, going for a walk, some reading & maybe a little bit of writing & drawing.
Maybe it could boost my confidence & make it possible to volunteer somewhere, even if the local volunteering options are only charity shop work.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #MindFog #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #LackOfFocus #SelfCare #Depression #Life #Sleep #SleepProblems
@actuallyadhd @autistics
I keep forgetting that even good being social knocks me so far sideways that all I've managed is a bit of washing up & hanging washing.
Whilst I loaded & started the washing around midday, it was something after 18:00 before I even got anything else done.
Just about managed feeding myself, even though I was hungry for tea I had zero idea or enthusiasm for cooking. Plan A failed as I didn't have any mixed veg in the freezer to go with whatever tinned thing I picked.
Plan B just about made it.
🎶 Hello AuDHD,
it's nice to talk with you ag-
…
OK! Come back here! …
My plans for getting a decent start on decorations flunked & has not returned.
Just finished tea 'bout half an hour ago & it's already pretty much supper time, if I want a chance of waking up early enough & feeling remotely productive tomorrow, that is.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #SelfCare #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction