Being AuDHD feels a little bit like constantly parenting yourself.
ADHD: Hungry. Sweets.
Autism: Not before the lunch which is ready in 5 minutes.
audhd
It’s not even noon and I had such an intensive and inspiring day so far.
I got up at 2:30 am and called a friend who is a night owl, just to realize that I am not able to make phone calls today, he was very tired, so we decided to talk later and I switched to chatting with a friend from another time zone until he had to go bed.
The chat reminded me oft a song from the past (music by John Miles), so I started listen to it while processing the chat. Then I recorded several voice messages and started to make a playlist for another friend who spends a lot of time on the train today and “don’t wants people in her head while listening to music”, while switching to listening to “music” by John Miles in between until I was in a listening to this one song over and over again mode. All this included several pacing and dancing sessions culminating in exploring how fast in circles my office chair is able to spin.
As the chat was still open on my laptop I started to think about a good German word with a “Z”, because my friend is interested in the German language and phonology. I recorded and typed “Zufriedenheit” (satisfaction/contentment) and found it interesting that it contains the word “Frieden”, which means peace. As words have a very strong effect on me, I started to calm down a little bit, which immediately changed when I realized that it is not only 7:30 am already, but also November 24th which meant that my online-therapy session at 9 am was actually today, not tomorrow, so I started my morning routine, went for a walk with Lumi and gave him a good brush afterwards. I just had enough time left to have breakfast, listening to the song again on the balcony and feeding my crow friend.
At the beginning of my therapy session my therapist told me that I scored very high in my ADHD assessment last week, so I am officially AuDHD now. What a surprise.
She is so amazing, I will write another post about the session itself, but it ended with the word “zufrieden”.
Edited 91d ago
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Yesterday I got to see a former poetry slammer - now comedian, whose career I have followed for over 10 years live for the first time.
When I got the ticket in January I was overjoyed. But the closer the date got, the more apprehensive I got. I was so scared to be hyped because I know how the saying goes. “Never meet your idols, you might get very disappointed very quickly.”
In the last couple of years he disclosed his own late-diagnosed neurodivergence as an AuDHDer and made it a bigger topic in his art.
He was one of the most influential poetry slammers who inspired me to start writing my own texts. I knew several texts by heart and honestly, I still know many passages of texts even now.
The hesitant tiny bouncy flapp flapps started when we arrived at the venue and I when the program was just so fucking amazing I spent all of the break bouncing up and down outside because I was overflowing with joy.
I laughed more and harder then the last couple of month combined.
After the show he gave autogramms and I swear my brain short circuited.
No words, just a shitton of happy chemicals. Bouncing up and down in front of him, hands flapping, a completely unmasked version of me.
I got a bit self-conscious when I heard people cooing behind me afterwards and I am still unsure how I feel about it.
During his performance he made some points that to me sounded like back-references to an old text of his and I just loudly blurted out a phrase from one of his former poetry slam texts from freaking 10 years ago. He immediately got the reference and was taken aback, even though he also looked happy and shocked. When the other people applauded after the show I made a finger heart and he saw it made one back.
I cannot put into words how happy all of this made me. I will forever treasure this.
The point I originally wanted to make was, how annoying it is that not only the big sad feelings but also the big happy feelings are exhausting.
But now I’m just happy all over again, having written this.
Brain is a mess in both good and bad ways.
#AuDHD #actuallyautistic #specialinterest #autisticJoy @autistics @actuallyadhd
Edited 91d ago
Random thoughts & feeling energised in a knackered sort of way. If I was less knackered & not aiming for the end of day wind down I'd get of my backside & do things.
If this foes turn into a solid bit of insomnia, maybe I should use it as it'll mean that I won't get nothing done tomorrow.
Hello insomnia, my old frenemy.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Life #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems
Cannot believe how a quick session of messing with the computer, remembering & refamiliarising myself with Obsidian & SyncThing up ended my day.
A pre breakfast half an hour turned out to have plowed through both breakfast & lunch & into early mid-afternoon territory 😂.
Plans in ruins, important tasks shunted as my brain was pickled or something.
Something, something hyperfocus, time blindness & executive dysfunction lead to something & dehydration. Why can't this trifecta happen when I need it?
I'd plough through all my tasks & then spend the last hours of the day restocking my body's calorie & liquid stores whilst unwinding with some movies or episodes 😎.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic
#Hyperfocus #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction
It seems to be quite a common thing among #neurodivergent people - to not want to be perceived.
I just realized that for me that is not about the perception per se.
It’s about being (possibly) judged. Not even necessarily aloud, not even necessarily by glance.
Just knowing they may judge me deep in their head/heart/soul if I am less than perfect(or even if I am too perfect, doesn’t matter). Not a fear of fail even - fear of judgement.
I don’t have problems with very small kids or animals observing me while I am doing something. But anybody I see as capable of judging makes me feel uncomfortable perceived.
Is it similar for others or is it specifically #RSD talking?
#AuDHD
@autistics
I found this video and presenter to be quite relatable and wanted to share it with the group! 🙂
7 Things #AuDHD Adults Think Are "Normal" but Actually Aren't
by Audaciously AuDHD
A must read article about #AI detection tools and how #ableist those are, and the very negative effects it has against #neurodivergent persons like #Autistics and #ADHD.
Teachers must especially read this!
https://blog.ewancroft.uk/3m6njxcynds2n
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic #Autism #AutisticActually #AuDHD #education
How do I not overanalyse both my own behaviour and the behaviour of others?
I have been told so many times that I cannot assume other people think about what they do in the same way that I do. And I wholeheartedly do not understand how that is possible.
I cannot imagine not trying to consider every aspect of a decision. I cannot imagine “just doing” anything “without thinking about it”.
Half the time I’m convinced people who act like that are trying to make fun of me and it’s a joke.
The other half of the time I get knots in my brain trying to imagine how others might have rationalised their own doing.
It’s exhausting and it’s alienating as fuck.
I just do not get it and I hate not understanding a concept at all.
Now that I've just completed another work week and started another off week, I'm back to reading "ADHD 2.0" (#Hallowell and #Ratey 2021). One issue I'm noticing with it: relentless #extranormativity (normalization of extreme #extraversion and marginalization of #introversion). The authors assume, for example, widespread enthusiasm for entrepreneurship, which would be an absolute nightmare for me: all the schmoozing and networking with people I'd much rather never meet or interact with. This #extranormativity seems to be a pervasive problem with literature on #ADHD in general, as opposed to literature on autism, where if anything #introversion is taken as the norm.
It's reinforcing my impression that #AuDHD is a fundamentally different phenomenon from standalone #ADHD (without autism). Many, perhaps most, of the characteristics #Hallowell and #Ratey list for #ADHD fit me perfectly, but some others might as well be characteristics of Martians, they're so utterly alien to me.
Edited 67d ago
A change of scenery can be good for the mind 💚
On Thursday, it rained non-stop, but I enjoyed a day out in Stafford. My friend and I had a walk around the castle grounds and wandered through the historic market town. More importantly, it was a chance to escape the daily routine and have a long chat with someone who has a brain that is wired in a similar way to mine. The best thing, however, was the absence of crowds 😁
#neurodivergent #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #adhd #neurospicy #mentalhealth #anxiety
I’ve started using the phrase “that hurts my heart” when I’m feeling hurt.
It’s been helpful and freeing both when I don’t have the words
or if that’s enough words already ackchually
Too many blogs full of too many tips on managing To Do lists are unhelpful and overwhelming.
They make me To Don’t.
What’s a good tip you actually use for task management?
Too many blogs full of too many tips on managing To Do lists are unhelpful and overwhelming.
They make me To Don’t.
What’s a good tip you actually use for task management?
Like many other autistic and/or disabled people I will spend Christmas on my own and while I appreciate my alone time and the atmosphere and the silence of it, I know it can be difficult and hurtful.
So I would like to connect with other people who spend Christmas on their own or experience feelings of loneliness during these days, by interacting with this post.
That can be just leaving and receiving a virtual hug or telling each other about the gifts you received or gave yourself during the year, maybe share a piece of music, write about your favourite video game or any other special interest. You can do this in private mode (English or German), I know that interacting with groups can be difficult, impossible sometimes, but every now and then I write posts like this during a moment of bravery and I already found amazing online friends by doing so.
Let's support each other in a world that makes building connection so difficult and feelings of loneliness so common.
Boosts are very much appreciated. Thank you.
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #disabled #ChronicallyIll #neurodivergent #MentalHealth
Edited 64d ago
I’ve been trying to explain two autistic / AuDHD experiences that I have to a non-autistic loved one for a couple of years now, but I’m finding it really hard!
1. The first: difficulty with uncertainty.
I explain this like it is an anxiety that diminishes the more information I gain that reduces the levels of uncertainty. But the word “anxiety” makes my loved one interpret it as always being about fear, just like anxiety usually means more generally. E.g. fear, on any level, even minor, of a potential negative event happening in the future. But I am not always afraid or worried, so this interpretation doesn’t work. It’s purely the uncertainty itself I find hard to deal with, and I can experience this around things I enjoy and when know there will be no negative outcomes at all. It relates strongly to disliking surprises. E.g. if I am walking from A to B and someone suddenly bumps into me, I HATE that! But if I choose to walk in a busy crowd, I expect people to bump into me and it’s totally fine. I hate being uncertain whether someone will bump into me or not, too.
2. The second topic can be totally separate or experienced together with the first: anticipation!
I have also tried to explain this as like a form of anxiety, but I have frequently felt this anticipation before hugely and purely positive events! It relates to something coming up soon that I am not familiar with. Familiarity in this sense usually only happens when I have either done things so frequently in my life that I can’t forget it, or I’ve experienced it about 3 or so times in the last month. This means revisiting a favourite restaurant that I haven’t been to for a year would cause this type of anticipation. The anticipation often stops me from being able to sleep the night before and my mind is often running through how the event might unfold, planning and so on, even if all the plans are already made and all preparation already done. As I said before, this often happens with purely positive events, so it’s so strange to explain it!
I suspect that these two experiences are very common for autistic people, and the latter, anticipation, probably affects lots of neurodivergent people. I wondered if my ADHD is influencing the anticipation, for example, and maybe I’m just wanting to remember what I need to do for the event since I likely can’t use a routine for something unfamiliar to me? I don’t know! In this case, perhaps anticipation WOULD be classic anxiety since it relates to fear of forgetting something important or losing track of time. But sometimes it’s just an impatient feeling.
What do you think?
Does anyone else experience these two things? Perhaps in a different way to me? If so, how would you describe it to someone who has never experienced it?
Lately I have been pondering how much of my natural personality is repressed because my ADHD requires significant energy and I have a chronic illness that is exacerbated by exertion and involves bone crushing fatigue.
Hmmm.
When I’m having a better health day, I can burn through energy reserves completely and have a health crash if I allow myself to be spontaneous, get side tracked, get excited, physically move more including stimming… the list goes on.
I miss those sides to myself.
I feel jailed inside this body most days.
I dream of physical freedom. 🐎
- but also, I just feel like a burden and I've now been 'sold' to my wife a lie. I'm not who or what she was expecting when she married me.
I feel like I'd lied to her about who I am (even if I didn't know the truth) .
Share a strategy (any kind) you use to calm yourself down when you are catastrophizing, and why you think it works for you.
#MentalHealth #AuDHD #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic @autistics #ChronicIllness #Disability #AskFedi #Boost4Reach #ChronicPain
"A major new review has put hundreds of alternative autism treatments under the microscope—and most didn’t hold up. Scientists analysed decades of research and found little reliable evidence that popular approaches like probiotics, acupuncture, or music therapy truly work. Alarmingly, safety was often ignored, with many treatments never properly evaluated for side effects."
#Autism
#ADHD
#AuDHD
#neurodiversity
#neurodivergence
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2025/12/251227082722.htm
Question for my #AuDHD friends in the #WritingCommunity ...
Do you find listening to music while you write helps your focus/quiets the mind so you can focus on your writing? Or is it too much?
I switch between the two. Sometimes it really helps and sometimes its too much.
@actuallyautistic
Every time my Mam calls, she ends up messing with the screen controls & it's exhausting trying to remind her to keep her fingers of the screen.
I think she needs to hold the screen closer toner head so the controls get hidden / deactivate.
Tried explaining that she could put the phone down & use Speaker mode but, same problem. No memory for it.
She's started talk about moving, been saying she might for years but with the landlord passed away & property up for sale she kind of has to now.
She's finally started saying she might move back to the Netherlands to be near family & I'm hoping she does but worried she doesn't seem to understand how quickly she could go from having a roof to not having one, if the purchaser wants the tenants out.
I don't know Scottish rental laws.
I think she definitely is going to need help & if she opts for moving near me, I'm it & I'm useless. In the Netherlands she'll at least have her siblings & any friends she kept in touch with.
No clue what to do to help her get started or if I should just leave it. Even if I could help I'm not sure I have a clue what to do or where to start.
Okay, think I'm just spinning wheels now.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Life #Parents
Since I found out that I am autistic 4 years ago, especially during the last months, I came to a much better understanding of myself, my neurodivergence, my sexuality and the different parts of my personality.
After having a very difficult time during the last week, including working through several trauma responses, there has been an important step of personal growth for me. I feel more clonnected to myself, authentic and whole.
For that reason I decided to change my online-name and IRL nickname from Kaci to Kitti.
This helps me to leave hurtful experiences I had in the past behind, embrace all parts of my personality and start a new chapter of my life.
Edited 42d ago
Well that's it. Just resigned from my job, for better or worse. Still in #AutisticBurnout (caused by work stress) after a total of nearly 4 months off sick. I went back in the autumn, after 2 months off, thinking I'd got better, but despite explaining I needed accommodations in communications, nothing improved, and after about 5 weeks I fell back down the hole and had to go off sick again. Prior to this, I had not taken ANY sick leave for over 10 years, and have never had this long off.
About 5 other people in my department have left the company during those months, so I'm not the only one feeling that the company is a hostile environment.
I've been debating whether or not I could go back at the end of my current "fit note", but was unsure how we would survive if I quit. Today we got a letter confirming we were awarded support for our #AuDHD 13YO, and that changes everything.
Not sure how it will unfold, but we will find out in good time.