actuallyautistic
When you are an autistic spoonie and your lack o spoons leads to losing spoons, because you accidently drop a spoon full of wet dog food. What a mess.
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic for that dismissive allistic in your life…
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 1020 , Thursday 13/08/2026
Thursday started at around 07:30 thanks to our noisy neighbours.
It has been a quiet day, we went out for lunch (Caesar salad for me) & continued our Hobbit film fest.
Final Thoughts.
It has been stupidly hot today we topped out at 34ºC today, tomorrow will be a little cooler at 29º then settling into the mid to low 20s over the weekend.
The long term forecast is not promising, more hot weather & not much rain!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
RE: https://mastodon.social/@ApocalypseSoon/116993028318745089
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic the near majority of options my insurance offers are ABA certified people…
...and they reimburse my Ph.D. therapist, who did additional education and focuses on autism, at barely 20% after deductible
Uta Frith published an awful piece on #autism in the TES last month.
Sue Fletcher-Watson @SueReviews wrote an excellent response.
As an #actuallyautistic scholar who has worked with Sue I can only say I wish we had more like her.
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic been with my employer for 7 years and seen many retirements of people i've worked with (both closely and semi-closely)...
…2.5 years ago a manager i'd worked with for of 3-4 years retired and i wasn’t invited to the reitrement lunch...
…now someone in my current unit for the past 2.5 years (who i’ve worked semi-closely with for 7) is retiring…
…and now i get a message saying i wasn't included on the invite “by accident” for next week's event…
…accident my ass
✊As I've been mulling over RSD for the last day and a half, memories have been resurfacing that I'm seeing in a different light.
The realization that RSD plays a much bigger role in my life than I thought is very similar to when I realized I'm neurodivergent. Puzzle pieces are finally fitting into place. Things in my life are making more sense.
One particular memory from grade 5 came to the surface. My teacher designed her classroom with very clear rules and consequences, but also privileges and rewards.
She had two lists on the board. One was kind of a "warning" list - students who had broken a rule. The second was called "No Privileges." This was a list for students who broke several rules. It wasn't a permanent list - I think you'd be on it for a couple of days or a week or something like that.
Anyway... I don't remember much about the lead-up, but I do remember forgetting my homework at home and being put on the No Privileges list. And I also remember this triggered an absolute meltdown.
The No Privileges list was for the "really bad kids," (in my mind, at the time) and now I was on that list.
My meltdown was so bad, my teacher agreed to call my parents to confirm I had actually done the homework, I had just forgotten it at home.
Another memory surfaced: I remember in grade 1, during free time, playing with toys and flapping my hands, as I usually did while excited. My teacher chuckled, smiled, and asked me what I was doing. This was grade 1 - I was 6? 7? - and I still distinctly remember the intense shame and embarrassment.
I'm seeing both of these experiences much differently now with the lens of RSD... this has really been a major shift in my understanding of myself. As major as discovering my neurodivergence in the first place.
What a wild journey this has been.
#ActuallyAutistic #Neurodivergent #AuDHD #RejectionSensitiveDysphoria #RejectionSensitivity
I've been thinking about trying to organize - or at least gauge interest in - a neurodivergent meetup in my area.
There's one in Victoria, but that's 2.5 hours away.
Anyone mid-island on Vancouver Island (Comox, Nanaimo, anywhere in between) in my fediverse?
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 1019 , Wednesday 12/08/2026
Wednesday started at around 07:30, it being our wedding anniversary I decided to have a day off the gym. Also the fact that we had to find someone to repair the garage door was also a factor.
Breakfast followed accompanied with gifts & cards. (Yes I remembered!)
Mrs S managed to find a repair company that would come out quickly so we got our skates on & drove across to my MiLs.
As luck would have it no parts were required & the job was finished in time for us to go to Chatsworth Farm shop cafe for lunch & to get goodies for the remainder of the week.
We went wild & for the first time in a long time had a main corse (steak & blue cheese ciabatta ) & coffee with a dessert (I had a decent sized slice of Bakewell cake).
We got back in time to start a Hobbit / LotR fest, the timing being immaculate as the movie finished in time to us to enjoy the 91% partial eclipse - although a badly placed tree stopped us watching it IRL although thanks to the Royal Observatory’s live coverage (their insistence on using YT & having to have full cookie access did not impress me though!)
It was a lovely evening & we munched on artisan quiche & drank Asti Martini as the moon skipped lightly across the face of the sun. The sky went suitably dark & the there were a few few moments of profound silence (disturbed only by screaming kids & a passing jet airliner - some folk have no sense of occasion!)
Final Thoughts.
It seems the reason that the clean clear crew only did the clear was because Mrs S did not specify the ‘clean’ bit, so now we have to track down another company to do that.
Yesterday morning I thought we were home & dry on the subject of my late MiLs property but, in the words of Douglas Adams, we are in fact barely thru the door & not even toweling ourselves off vigorously yet!
Still not a bad day for all that, it actually went a lot better than it might have!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Any #ActuallyAutistic tried box breathing?
NB it should be called square breathing 🤦♂️
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 1003 , Monday 27/07/2026
Monday started early, it being a gym day.
Why are Mondays always a struggle! (Prolly all the naught food I have over the weekend & the fact that I still don’t have a set exercise regimen at home - but don’t tell anyone else that!).
After breakfast & a few chores Mrs S & I went across to my late MiL’s house - Mrs S to sort thru some bowls & crockery in the kitchen & me to tackle my late FiL’s garage. So many tools!
I have made a start, but it will take at least 2 more trips to finish the job I think!
We stopped off at Sainsgogs for a late lunch - their meal deal was just what we needed, quick but filling. Then home.
Relaxed this afternoon finishing the latest series of ‘For all Mankind’. I do like that show.
Salad & roast chicken breasts for tea with strawberries & ice cream for pud while we continued our journey thru the original series of ‘All Creatures Great & Small’ they really do not make TV like that any more (the new version is good but not as good as the original with Christopher Timothy! )
Final Thoughts.
A busy day & looking at the garage it does not look like I have made too much progress, but progress has been made!
Somehow I have to find some room for the tools I plan to keep! I also need to find a good home for those that I will never use!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic was doing a consult this morning with someone (board constituent re work issue) and towards the end offered advice along the lines of masking…
…and while it was the correct advice for the situation, i still felt gross saying it…
…i can no longer mask (after the burnout) and i personally don't believe anyone should have to…
…and yet this is the unbalanced world we live in…
🇨🇦You ever have one of those epiphanies that come from realizing something derived from bits of seemingly unrelated information in your head, but then suddenly realize that they are all pieces of a same puzzle? It's that weirdness that you had all the pieces and didn't even realized that they all fit together. I just had that.
It struck me listening to the song Angels of the Dark by Blutengel. I usually interpret it as a song about vampires even though nothing in it that explicitly says that. The song is about feeling lost, alone, afraid and in pain, and hence looking for a better life. The singer then offers you a "better life" by joining them in the dark; sounds a lot like a typical vampire seduction.
But describing this person's situation, about looking for a better life, I found myself nodding along. Then came the line "The only price you have to pay is leave this world behind". Normally that makes me think of "the world of the living" because again, vampires, but this time was different. Lately I've been reading more about autistic burnout, and one of the key takeaways is that recovering from it is not about getting back to the life you had, because that life is what led you to burnout in the first place. It's about adopting or creating a new life, one that is compatible with your neurology, your true self.
That's why this line struck me differently this time. The world I need to leave behind is the neurotypical life I was trying to live, trying to be something I am not. This is the reason for all (or at least most of) the pain, fear, and other problems I have. So looking at it this way, the song could be about neurodivergence, not necessarily vampires at all.
But wait, couldn't it be both? I'm not saying that NDs are vampires, but as I just happened to write in a post recently, many of us end up identifying with aliens, animals, or *other fictional creatures*. I included the last one because I know an autistic person who identified with fairies when they were young. But vampires are fictional creatures too, and I've been big on them since I was a kid. One of my favorite role playing games is about playing the part of a vampire.
So could not then it be that my attraction to vampires has been my neurodivergence expressing itself all along? Then I remembered how some time ago I made a list of comparisons between autistic people and vampires:
- vampires sleep in coffins: this would shut out light and noise and be a great retreat for autistic people (I myself use blackout curtains and a sleep mask with earphones to listen to things like thunder storms, sounds I like rather than ones I don't)
- vampires sleep during the day: again, less light, noise, and people makes night more sensory friendly for autistic people. Plus many of them I know happen to just be naturally nocturnal and sleep better during the day (myself included).
- repelled by garlic: many of us have all sorts of sensory sensitivities, including smell and taste
- drinking blood: analogy for having a restricted diet, even having to 'hunt around' for food you can stand
- supernatural senses: often we sense things others don't
Again, I'm not saying that autistic people are vampires, just that vampires make a pretty good analogy for being different even though superficially the same. I just hadn't put it together like this before (even though it's right in my own profile name 🤦 ). So in learning to deal with my burnout, I have to learn how to live this other life and not the one other people live. I must join the Angels of the Dark.
Here in the #Philippines, there is a growing "trend(?)" amongst families with #Autistic daughters: Creating a Facebook Page and sharing their autistic lives.
We all know for years that autism discussion and research is mainly dominatid by [white] autistic boys and men. Filipinos are changing this.
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic there may be something to this…
#TimsASDjourney Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 1004 , Tuesday 28/07/2026
Up earlier than I expected at just after 7am thanks to next door, noisy lot!
A nice quiet day after the chores were completed.
A good thing really as my body was whining about all the bending & stretching that happened on Monday!
Final Thoughts.
The quiet before the storm, gym, blood test & a shopping trip to Costco™ tomorrow!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
A thing I absolutely despise: when people think they can make decisions for me, without my consent or knowledge. Seething, thermonuclear level hatred I have for this behavior.
#Autistic #AutismAwareness #Neurodivergent #ActuallyAutistic
One of the most neurotypical sentences I come across pretty often, when the communication develops beyond small talk is “You don’t have to explain yourself.” and as an AuDHD person, I very much dislike it.
At first it seems as if neurotypical people say it in good faith, some even do, often followed by something like “People who really like you, don’t care about you being autistic, queer or other differences.” or “It must be exhausting, that you have to explain yourself all the time.”
I very much disagree.
Psychology has been my special interest for decades, finding out that I am queer, that I am autistic has been extremely important to me. It changed my life. I find the way my brain and the ones of other neurodivergent people work very interesting, how our bodyminds work, what needs we have because of that. All this is not only my special interest, it’s an essential part of every neurodivergent relationship for me, understanding these aspects about one another is a necessary step to be able to accommodate each other’s needs.
As an AuDHD person, talking about my special interests is something I really like to do, it’s the opposite of exhausting for me and people would understand that, if they actually listened to me and asked questions, instead of telling me their neurotypical superficial, feel-good phrases. The latter is the exhausting part.
Sharing detailed information about these aspects of our personality would contribute to a mutual understanding. But to me it seems, that neurotypical communication is not about understanding, it’s about judgement. So, telling me, that I don’t have to explain myself, means “I won’t judge you, therefore you don’t have to explain yourself.”
To me that is such a telling part of the double empathy problem. It’s also one of the reasons, why we most autistic people don’t like the “Autism acceptance month”. Accepting differences should be the bare minimum for every kind of human interaction. I want mutual understanding.
🖖 
Guys outside dismantling four storeys of scaffolding. I don’t think it’s possible for human beings to create any more noise (without extreme machinery) than dropping scaffold for hours on end. 😬 My everything is jangled. ⚡️🧠⚡️
#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #ADHD #AuDHD @autistics @actuallyadhd
Dans le cadre d’un groupe de travail sur « être artiste en situation de handicap », le @CAAP cherche à collecter des témoignages d’artistes concerné·es.
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 1005 , Wednesday 29/07/2026
Up early to go to the gym, not a bad session although my knee complained about the leg press!
Got back did a couple of chores then had breakfast.
Had to go for a blood test &, as is the case these days, the phlebotomist had problems fining a willing vein!
Mrs S has been pestering me to do the front hedge so I tackled that this morning & then, in a fit of ADHD enthusiasm topped the hawthorn tree. I only had hedge trimmers & a set of long handled loppers to tackle the job & the hawthorn was not for giving in easily as the many scratches on my arms attest!
My entire body now hates me, but at least the job is done!
I was treated to a chinese takeaway this evening for my efforts so that was nice! It went well with an episode of Cadfael!
Final Thoughts.
A much, much busier day than I at first envisioned but the front garden looks better, although I need to get out there & tackle the runaway wild strawberries next!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 1051 , Sunday 13/09/2026
Sunday started around 07:30.
It’s been a quiet day with nothing particularly noteworthy happening.
Although we did have strawberries & ice cream for dessert tonight!
Final Thoughts.
Heck where did the last week go!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
I am so tired of getting answers that show they never read what I already said - I want the blue one
.
“Oh, you want one? Cool. What colour?”
.
No, never mind, I don’t want to buy anything from you, fuck off.
This in TEXT. All they had to do
was look at it. 😠🤮
.
It’s a fictional example and it’s probably exactly what people experience talking to me
too, but still. If you’re Autistic and this happens, that’s OK, we’re good, shit happens, we focus on the wrong things a lot. It’s just when I think it’s some regular person to whom I’m invisible and inaudible I get mad and tired. 😠
.
#ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD @autistics