depression

I sincerely wish I wasn't having to do this over and over and over again.

My partner has a medical appointment Tuesday which necessitated me dropping my shift that day to ensure I can take him, which in turn means we won't have funds for Wednesday's motel stay.

I requested dispersal of my entire sick and vacation leave to try and get us a little further ahead, but I'm not sure if I did it in time for this pay period which means I might not see it for a few weeks (if they ever getting around to approving it anyway).

I'm hoping to use that money to apply for another apartment and hopefully get out of the damned motel stay game altogether.

I'm also applying to other, better paying #retail jobs -- mainly because I lack the skills or qualifications for much else -- and I'm hoping against hope for luck my previous post groveling for #internship work. My intention is to find something better and transition my current employment to part time status working around the other job.

My partner has begun applying to jobs again as well, and I am insanely proud of him for doing that. His #CPSTD has made him a total recluse for the past two years and I've striven very hard to insulate him from being shamed and pressured to go back to work before he is ready because I know first-hand how difficult and embarrassing that can be when your brain refuses to cooperate, and I was only dealing with #depression and #BPD.

Nevertheless, our attempts for better income aren't likely to bear fruit in the immediate future, therefore I am rattling my digital soup can once more because I am still yet unable to sufficiently provide for my family.

Please forgive me for how much burden we continue to place on the #Fediverse community. You've all been so incredibly amazing and supportive and we have been so.. blessed (for lack of a better word).

I hope everyone can bear with us a little bit longer. I swear I'm trying my hardest to get us stable again.

If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, *do NOT feel guilty* for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad.

Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

(Dammit, sorry for the repost. I always forget to tag @mutualaid)

Hi Everyone!

I've been meaning to do this since I migrated from the bad site in November 2022. I may be guilty of procrastination from time to time. Anyway.. I started on mastodon.social, migrated to mastodon.lol (RIP), briefly ran my own mastodon instance and then migrated to the mighty beige.

I'm a middle-aged, white, #bisexual, #polyamorous, cisgender male and deal with #BPD, #anxiety, and #depression. I live on the outskirts of what I lovingly call the "Mormon Vatican". I self-medicate with #cannabis to maintain emotional regulation. I live with my partner who struggles with #CPTSD, crippling anxiety, depression and BPD tendencies; and also with our obese, codependent #BorderCollie. I almost compulsively use profanity. My content is probably not suited for younger viewers.

My partner is currently unable to work due to the aforementioned conditions. We're currently between residences and have been staying in an extended-stay style hotel while my partner recovers from a recent toxic living situation.

Meanwhile, I put every ounce of my #spoons into poverty-wage #retail. I simply don't have the stamina to work a second job.

Our goal is to be moved into permanent housing in the next 60 days, in large part because this motel costs more than my entire monthly wage income (including a recent rate hike of over $350/mo), and any expenses beyond that have unfortunately been the burden of the #MutualAid community.

Essentially, we've been "making a living from panhandling" because written content and curation by amateurs like myself generally isn't a lucrative endeavor, and I'm always too damned tired to pursue podcasting or vlogging.

If you're someone morally opposed to seeing a #MutualAidRequest in your timeline (or wax pedantic about the etymology and perversion of the term being used in this manner instead of "begging"), you'll probably want to disengage at least for the immediate future. On the other hand, you've likely already muted the terms and therefore won't even be able to see this post, so..

Somehow there are still people who have put up with our begging and "grifting". I would guess their motivation is sort of like a Simpsons quote that seemed particularly appropriate for our situation:

=~=~=
"But why did you do it?"
"I felt there was something special in you. It's like rooting for the Cubs. You keep thinking they'll make it, and then you realize they never, ever will."
=~=~=

If you couldn't already gather, I'm a hardcore, bleeding-heart #progressive. I'm also a deeply-flawed, hypocritical poser about all those things a la Brian Griffin on "Family Guy". I try to divert my views and rants about this to my secondary account @LibertyForward1.

I boost *a lot*. That post average on my profile? It's not an exaggeration; it's updated automatically at midnight local time. Expect an avalanche of #cat pics, #dog pics, other interesting animal pics, and metric (not imperial) shittons of #shitposts. I love weird, vulgar, and silly. I'll almost always boost a #DadJoke if it's sufficiently cringe.

Also.. Brevity isn't my strongest suite.