@autistics #ActuallyAutistic two days ago i put together my new queen size metal
bed frame and i’m still sore in my hands, arms and legs for some reason
actuallyautistic
Since I found out that I am autistic 4 years ago, especially during the last months, I came to a much better understanding of myself, my neurodivergence, my sexuality and the different parts of my personality.
After having a very difficult time during the last week, including working through several trauma responses, there has been an important step of personal growth for me. I feel more clonnected to myself, authentic and whole.
For that reason I decided to change my online-name and IRL nickname from Kaci to Kitti.
This helps me to leave hurtful experiences I had in the past behind, embrace all parts of my personality and start a new chapter of my life.
Edited 302d ago
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic wonder how fast i’d get fired if i said this next time i get push back for doing something an efficient way as opposed to the "preferred way”
Hi folks, I have a new blog post🥸
This time it's a bit of a technical infodump about qualitative vs quantitative Analytics, and how we improved the homepage UX on mobile on my #ActuallyAutistic nonprofit's website
Let me know if it feels more useable now.
Edited 305d ago
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 807 , Monday 12/01/2026
Monday started at around 6am with a sore throat, a runny nose & next doors kids dawn chorus!
I appear to have contracted the bug that Mrs S had the end of last week & over the weekend.
It’s been a quiet day, I’ve done most of my chores but it has to be said I was grateful when Mrs S sorted out the bins!
Final Thoughts.
No nothing - my mind is as blank as the list of climate change actions that the USA are undertaking to commit to!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
RE: https://meow.social/@oddtail/115863865533945547
autistic people may not be aware of what other people are thinking, but who really does?
what autistic people are good at? pattern recognition.
im way too sensitive to changes in someone's behavior. if i ask someone if something is wrong because their behavior changes and they dont want or cant divulge their feelings, am i an asshole for asking?
in actually i get called crazy and nosy and "too sensitive". sometimes i do get called an asshole.
@autistics I'm going to write here about how I struggle to manage my spoons (energy spent throughout the day; see also "spoon theory") and the difficulties for us #neurodiverse people to survive and maybe thrive in a society that expects so much.
I’m not writing any of this to vent. Ultimately, near the end, I'm asking y'all to compare notes with me.
After decades as a software developer, I became a manager in Tech. It was my choice. At the time, I knew I was #actuallyadhd but had not yet been also diagnosed as #actuallyautistic. I had personally experienced mistreatment by egotistical and at times egomaniacal bosses. I'd seen my coworkers experience same. I suspected I could treat people with more compassion while getting the job done.
Things that ate my energy included:
- Meeting individually with my people were sacred to me. However, these meetings were very high in emotional labor. I did my best to be present for them through whatever they were sharing, offering coaching and mentoring where I could, referring out for what I couldn't, and also being a shoulder to cry on when needed.
- Group meetings with fellow managers and higher-ups. I felt more anxiety in these meetings. Really, anything involving "managing up" (meaning: dealing with "superiors"). While I did my best to collaborate, I felt a keener need to look for cues of threat in these interactions. More exhaustion.
- Finding time to do the paperwork. There's *always* paperwork. It takes effort, time, and even, sometimes, concentration. This would range between writing long term plans (lots of systems and strategic thinking) and lots of red-tape (my #actuallyaudhd interpretation of work that often seemed like a waste of time but required by the "organization").
Meetings required intense masking. In the corporate world, these days, there seems to be this expectation that managers all present as mini-Steve Jobs. We're expected to always appear composed. We're always supposed to show up, in group settings, as empathetic. In nearly all meetings, particularly with "reports" (people who work for us), we're coached to show up as kind yet, perversely, somewhat aloof; after all, we're in these meetings to "coach" and "mentor" as well where people aren't "meeting expectations" (also, more positively, to support high achievers when we see that they can excel even further).
It was, to say the least, a struggle.
So more to the point:
I survived and even thrived, for a time, largely by my managing my spoons. I started doing this deliberately, just to get through each day on the job. However, at the time, I wasn't seeing this as "spoons" so much as judging my ability to be *mentally aware and present* to perform a given task or function in a meeting. I was methodical in my process for managing my energy.
But I was only able to do this while on the job. Somehow, it was easier to force (mostly) consistent structure onto myself when it was for pay. But, also, once my work day was done, I was done. My life outside of work? A wreck. At the end of almost every day, I was stick-a-fork-in-me level of crispy. I had nothing left to give to anyone including myself.
Ultimately, all of this structure collapsed. I collapsed. Then I quit. I struggled through the autistic burnout I'd accumulated over years. Now, I'm unemployed and figuring out WTF to do with myself.
I'm just starting to show signs of recovering.
Now, on days when I want to do chores, I try to consider my spoons. I realize now that there are far less than I had been spending during all of those years of employment (leading into autistic burnout). Now, I plan maybe 1-3 significant chores, attempting to prioritize by both urgency and importance axes.
Having established a lot of context, onto the notes comparison request:
I imagine most of y'all are aware of your finite daily spoons (again, see: spoon theory)? Do any of y'all plan around your spoons? For taxing activities/events, do you find yourself reserving spoons earlier in the day? Maybe also the day before? Do you deliberately plan to go into debt, requiring recovery time the same day? Maybe the day after? Maybe even a few days after?
Do you take care of yourself similarly? Does it make life more comfortable? Less?
If you're employed, do you do anything like this as part of employment (something I'm mulling returning to versus self-employment)?
Really curious to hear about your experiences.
I so badly want to see this site to take off.
If you're #ActuallyAutistic, you know just how much of a problem these things can be. For me personally, having the information about lighting and how to get service in advance would be a huge help.
My sibling has been kinda judging me (in a 'jokingly' manner) for having a special interest in Buddhism and Japanese culture. One day, they even past me that Japanese soda can and ask me to translate the label. I told them I'm still learning, so of course I don't know a lot of kanji words yet. They joked that 'Oh I thought you're supposed to be a weeabo'.
Just pure cringe. Nobody should mock someone who just happen to be interested in East Asian culture or any foreign culture for that manner. You're just not being funny man...
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 854 , Saturday 28/02/2026
Not much to say about today.
Got up … again, did chores … again , read about the orange oaf doing something terrible … again!
Final Thoughts.
As the world goes to hell in a hand basket I do wonder if I will live to see some semblance of sanity return.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
So, for those who believe, it’s Good Friday, commemorating the very first #AutismAwarenessMonth
😀
.
#ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD @autistics
Asking for help is hard!
When someone needs help, my natural tendency is to drop everything, be there and try and solve the situation. But when I need help, I find it close to impossible to ask for it. My reflex is to be the capable one and figure it out on my own. So I end up shrinking what I need to fit into what I can handle alone.
This results in exhaustion and burnout. And I'm starting to suspect that’s not even me being an altruist. Maybe it’s just avoidance: After all, if I’m always helping others, I never have to face how much I need help myself.
When it comes to the specific kind of help I need right now, there is also a following double standard: When an entrepreneur raises millions for their startup which they hope will exit, and in the meantime pay them a nice salary, they’re seen as ambitious and visionary.
But if I, an autistic founder of a nonprofit that provides strictly free services to the autistic community, ask for €35k so I can work full-time at the absolute minimum pay that I can survive on, I might be good material for an eye-watering inspirational story, but also I can’t help but think: Who am I to ask folks to pay my rent and bills? I should just get a “real job”, and try to save up as much as I can before I burn out again.
And I know another way would be to make paid products and sell services, ask for member fees for exclusive content or have a premium tier on my platform and content. But I don’t want to put the stuff I create behind a paywall, because I know how much many autistic folks struggle financially, not because we’re lazy, but because we’re constantly forced to swim against the current.
I build things that are free to use, and I hope some folks would agree to support them with as little as 1 Euro per month, but when it’s time to ask for that support, suddenly it gets too uncomfortable to do so.
Why do I buy into this culture of shame and isolation? I want to do better, face my needs and weaknesses, take the leap and trust that my community will be there to catch me.
What I need from you
To do better, this April, aka Autism Awareness Month, I’m doing something uncomfortable:
I’m asking you to be aware of yours truly, an autistic person trying to make this thing I built for our community work, and needing help to do it.
prepped.to needs your help and, yes, your financial support, to go on running. And I need the same to go on running too. I can’t make it happen alone, and I shouldn’t have to. I want to reclaim Autism Awareness Month and turn it into hashtag#ActuallyAutistic Solidarity month. And I want to reclaim my “help others” energy and ask others for the solidarity and help I usually reserve for them.
So please consider donating as little as 1 Euro a month, or whatever one-time donation you can afford. You can do so on GoFundMe or on Betterplace, or even via bank transfer.
Whether you can donate or not, please share my crowdfunding campaign(s), this blog post, or prepped.to
I need your help 🙏
Betterplace: https://www.betterplace.org/en/projects/164016-support-prepped-to-by-and-for-the-autistic-community
Bank transfer: Aut2Aut gUG, GLS Bank, IBAN: DE16 4306 0967 1366 9643 00, BIC: GENODEM1GLS
The original blogpost: https://prepped.to/blog/why-is-asking-for-help-so-hard
I just finished 'Is this Autism? A guide for clinicians and everyone else'. It's really good and if autism is a special interest of yours, like it is for me, you'll love it. I would also strongly recommend it for any healthcare professionals.
#Autism #autistic #neurodiverse @autistics #AutisticBurnout #ActuallyAutistic
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 808 , Tuesday 13/01/2026
Tuesday started fairly late with the hope that this bug was a 24 hour thing.
No such luck, my nose is leaking like a tap & someone is trying to drive a bypass thru my head!
Final Thoughts.
Ughhh…
I’ll be fine, just being grammatic! Or should that be dramatic? Who knows. If a Vogon wanted to chuck me out of an airlock I’m not sure I’d object!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic sad day, my fidget ring has a HUGE nick it…
…granted it has been annoying me more than helping me lately…
…back to the drawing board
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 809 , Wednesday 14/01/2026
Wednesday started late after quite frankly a rubbish night.
It’s been another day of fighting off the man flu … currently 2 steps forward & 6 steps back!
Manage to get a couple of chores doe, but dropped & smashed one of my favourite coffee mugs while washing up - not happy about that!
Been playing some KCD2 today - I really need to remember to save my progress when I go into a fight - lost ½ a days progress late this afternoon after I got mauled to deff by wolves!
Not had much of an appetite today which is not a bad thing need to lose some of this weight!
Final Thoughts.
Ok not enjoy this who bug thing.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 811 , Friday 16/01/2026
Friday started early-ish at around a quarter to 7 in the am, mostly because I fell asleep at a ridiculously early hour despite my sleep being more a chain of naps with moment of consciousness between them.
Another quiet day, I started the day coughing up a lung, but this evening I’m actually starting to feel better than I have all week.
Final Thoughts.
It seems I’m on the mend - which I am heartily grateful for.
I wonder if I have had some form of actual flu that has mostly been softened by the flu jab I had this year.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Finished reading this almost cover to cover - Dr Louise Newson’s book called The Definitive Guide to the Perimenopause and Menopause.
If you or someone who know might be impacted by perimenopause or menopause - in the future or now - read this! Or a book like it.
Perimenopause and menopause is so much more than hot flushes and brain fog. It can disrupt many bodily systems causing both physical and mental health problems and it often isn’t intuitive to consider whether hormones might be involved in those.
This book is relatively inclusive of trans and nonbinary folx, also mentions the common experiences of people with ADHD, early menopause (for various reasons), post natal depression, and many relevant health conditions from PMDD to POI.
Don’t wait until you’re a “certain age”, read up about it all now because the impacts can begin sooner than you might realise.
To fellow autistics: I saw a survey of autistic people a while ago that showed most people really benefit from know about perimenopause and menopause in advance. On the flip side of this, many people end up discovering they are neurodivergent because perimenopause broke their ability to mask and cope. This book (and others like it) can forearm you with enough knowledge to ask a GP for help and early.
For anyone with a pre-existing chronic illness that has an inflammatory component to it like I have, note that perimenopause can mess things up with that too!
@mecfs @autistics
#ADHD #ActuallyAutistic #pwME #MEcfs #perimenopause #menopause
Help! I am being personally attacked by this article.
https://thedailytism.com/autistic-womans-desire-for-human-contact-thwarted-by-existence-of-humans/
Edited 206d ago
I am so easily transfixed by moving images. I'd find myself often completely mesmerized by some looping animation playing without sound in a doctor's office or on the subway. Not even reading or comprehending, just completely zoned out staring blankly. If a TV is on at a friend's place I'm incommunicado.
And it happens almost every time I'm in a room with any moving images in it.
Today I found myself staring at my project's build log filling in. Zombified.
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 903 , Saturday 18/04/2026
Saturday started earlier than I hoped, a mix of sunlight streaming into the room & next door having a hoovering fit had me awake at 7am.
Chores followed breakfast.
I have been bouncing off a problem in Elite Dangerous, planets that should have a population & space stations & the like appear not to. At first I thought this was a bug.
I cleared the cache on the PS5, reloaded the game from scratch & then, believing that I could use the cloud backup of my save data I reset my profile.
This was a mistake - it turns out that the save data held by the PS5 locally & in the cloud is just configuration stuff, graphics preferences & the like. The true save must be held on Frontier’s servers.
The upshot of this is that I have lost everything! I am back as a new commander in the games version of a mini metro.
Ah well, at least I know some tricks to make some dosh & which ships to go for.
It seems that the original bug may not be a bug at all, reading around there seems to be cases of the data being deliberately obfuscated & one has to properly explore the system to uncover its secrets. Ah well I have plenty of time to see if this is in fact what is going on!
We finished the day with a chinese takeaway & an episode of ‘Sherlock’.
Final Thoughts.
A frustrating day, but very much 1st world nerdy problems!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 810 , Thursday 15/01/2026
Thursday was, more or less an extension of Wednesday. Sleep was again somewhat hesitant to find me last night. Just for a change my internal thermometer turned the temperature up to 11!
I think I’ve had 8 hours sleep in the last 3 nights, I don’t run well on this little sleep!
Managed to distract myself playing KCD2 for much of the day. There was a break just after lunch when I had to stand outside in the cold & wet holding a ladder for the guy who came to fix our gutters. It was worthwhile as it has needed doing for a while now!
Final Thoughts.
I hope that this bug takes the hint & buggers off soon!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Grocery shopping in the *big* supermarket = 2h.
Recovering from the sensory overload = 3h+