@autistics #ActuallyAutistic sometimes hard to remember these days…
actuallyautistic
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 833 , Saturday 07/02/2026
Saturday started at around 07:30 after a disturbed night, mostly my own fault. I stayed up until nearly 1am gaming, I know that if I go to bed that late I don’t sleep. I also forgot to double check that the timer on the washing machine had been set right. It bangs the pipes when it opens & shuts the inlet valve so I have to make sure that it starts around 4am when I’m deeply asleep but also gives the cycle time to finish before 7am when the Economy 7 tariff flips over to the day rate.
Mrs S is …. overly cautious & is far enough away from the pipe work that it doesn’t disturb her sleep so she sets the cycle to start at around 2am. This also means that the wet washing is in the machine for 2 extra hours. It’s usually one of my mitigation routines to check the start time of the wash cycle but sometimes I forget. My bad.
Did my chores then had a couple of hours on the PS5.
Caught up on Mrs S’s shows this afternoon then watched Denzel Washington in ‘Safe House’ while we had a chinese takeaway for tea.
Final Thoughts.
I spend far too much time on ‘mitigation’ but it’s how I stay vaguely sane.
Sometimes it uses up all my available spoons.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
![Avatar for Emily Moran Barwick [archived]](/proxy/identity_icon/280779823553852866/0ce5ffc456.png){kind=icon}
I've spent a lifetime making myself smaller for everyone.
Making myself the version of me that was most useful and comfortable for everyone around me.
And I *HAVE* to stop before I disappear.
I wrote about learning to TAKE UP SPACE: https://fromemily.com/space-taking-defiance/
Maybe you've made yourself smaller too? Let's TAKE UP SPACE together.
@actuallyautistic
#ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyADHD #mentalhealth #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #writing #FromEmily #SmallWeb #writersofmastodon
Edited 309d ago
You weren’t “high-functioning.”
You were masking.
You weren’t “coping.”
You were dissociating.
You weren’t “fine.”
You were in burnout.
They praised your performance.
But never saw the cost.
You deserved care.
Not applause.
@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic while some view this as burn everything down and start over...
…i view it as forcing the existing structure to live up to its public relations image by replacing the broken component parts so they work as they always claimed to
Edited 16d ago
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic very hard to do when the world is constantly gaslighting you…
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 835 , Monday 09/02/2026
Monday started Early, at around 06:30, partially because I went to bed a little earlier & partially because I’ve moved my bed slightly - only a couple of feet, just so its not right next to the window. Obviously my brain felt this was a couple of feet too many & treated it as ‘strange bed syndrome’ as if I had moved house or was sleeping elsewhere!
Did my chores & did a bit more wallpaper stripping in the box room - in theory I should be able to strip & redecorate in like 3 days but nowhere near enuf spoons for that, so I nibbled at at it a bit at a time.
Spent a chunk of time in medieval Bohemia too.
Ordered a new desk chair, Mrs S is treating me & I’ve see a right comfortable looking one in Costco™ in the sale!
Pizza burger for tea - yes another naughty takeaway. I really need to get my diet under control!
Finished season 2 of the Night Manager while we ate tea … well I never! (Can’t say more there maybe peeps who haven’t seen it yet! )
Final Thoughts.
I was a bit slow in ordering my chair, vacillating over wether to get it or not - thus while I did order it in time for the discount I did miss out on my trademark black finish.
That said the one I am getting is … Beige! So there’s some zen type karma type thing going off there!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Been de-cluttering my choices of video games as well as trying out more chill genres for my autistic brain.
I seem to have identified a bug in my systems.
No matter how much time (in hours not minutes) I give myself to wrap my head around prepping & even starting to prep for eventually going to be at or if possible before midnight, I somehow still end up not getting to bed till 02:00 give or take half an hour.
I can feel completely zonked all day or all evening due to short nights of sleep if I have to get up early. It makes no sense. I think I need to start using a metaphorical hammer & somehow persuade myself that the world won't end if I do that thing tomorrow or those things the day after.
It does seem to be because there's that one thing, out of many that's been hanging over me for days, weeks, months or longer & today was going to be the day. So it may be late but this maybe the only time I have a set of spoons the right shape or strong enough to deal with this task. It's now or never.
It can be a small complex task, revamping bullet journal templates in my more app, sorting out all the stages for a future batch cook or a long laborious one involving things I'm not keen on like clearing up cobwebs & bugs 😱 or unidentified spills, dirt & giant dust bunnies 🤢.
I've tried reminders, alarms. I've planned days where everything has all the time I need & more but inevitably this either leads to stagnation because I'm so out of spoons not helped by the side effects of lack of sleep. Alternatively, the ADHD trait of getting sidetracked comes along & nixes my timings & tasks.
I've tried getting up earlier which, unless I have an early enough appointment or planned activity with or for other people generally fail to launch on time or if I survived the important thing in the early hours, I'm then a zombie & spend more time just sitting, gathering dice / spoons by not doing anything.
I keep telling myself I'll figure it out & find a way but I'm not sure I'm wired to ever find a fix for getting myself to bed before midnight.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction #LackOfFocus #SelfCare #Life #Sleep #SleepProblems
@actuallyautistic @autistics #ActuallyAutistic sometimes i hate having the predictive pattern autistic trait…
…just received word on a change at work i saw coming 2 years ago that will again lead to someone failing upward all for being “socially acceptable”…
…can't wait until next month when that part is confirmed too
WRT #Discord, there's an effectively unsolvable conundrum we can't really face, folks. We'd all like the high moral standards that are found in the #OpenSource community, when done right: nobody screwing each other over for their PII, and other forms of leverage (walled-garden lock-in). Geeks get this, normies don't. (This gulf is very hard to cross, IMHO, without resorting to actual educational curriculum explaining it in schools.)
But then we have conflicting desires: we *also* want the buttery smoothness to a secure messaging ecosystem - total convenience, total functionality, *complete with a level-playing-field, "Net Neutral" infrastructure to run it on*, with no lobbied government or tech-bro interference skewing the traffic rules (QOS Rules). Good luck with that one, without strong gov't control, and solid grassroots lobbying behind it.
Lets be honest: #Signal is so great *because tens of millions of dollars were charitably spent on it*. Moxie didn't do his genius work *for free*. Where are tens of millions of *more* dollars going to come from, to make a Discord alternative? Would that be nowhere? Look, there's no quick and easy answers to Discord enshittifying. I've looked at #XMPP, #Matrix, #Deltachat, #Discourse, #Flarum, #PHPBB, #Zulip, #Mattermost, etc. and *each has its warts*. You'll dislike each of them, for different reasons. Each paints itself into a different corner. *There were no tens of millions of dollars upfront, at an early design phase, overlooked by qualified Computer Scientists, to prevent this, in each and every case.* #IRC doesn't bear mention in this comparison. None is the perfect replacement or answer. *None had those tens of millions of dollars which Signal had.*
Alas, they don't stand a chance to be the all-singing, all-dancing solutions that the techbros can finance, *along with their predictable, rotten lack of a moral compass to accompany the slickness.* Every non-geek teenager will side with the techbros, owing to 1) convenience, and 2) that's where their friends are, *which mean the world to a teenager*.
So in summary, we are doomed by our own psychological limitations, as a demographic. The psychological predators - the techbros - can't help but prey on the normies, and the normies can't help but turn to the predators, who at least offer convenience, if no other thing. And the geeks who have a moral compass stand in the middle, ignored by-and-large, feeling anxious and powerless, not having any tens of millions of dollars behind their altruism.
Hi. I'm terrified.
I've been trying to make my own space on the web for years. And I've been stuck. Badly.
But today is my birthday. And I refuse to let another year pass without putting something—anything—out there.
So here it is in all its messy glory. My first post on my barely-there #website: https://fromemily.com/hi-im-terrified/
It's not great. But it's okay...enough.
And I hope it means something to someone.
@actuallyautistic
#SmallWeb #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyADHD #writing #blogging
I had a GP/PCP appt yesterday. Being an AuDHDer, I had carefully scripted the entire visit over the course of a week, with a written agenda. I thought I had anticipated all directions it could go, and that it was going to be a short visit.
What I did not count on was the thoroughness of the medical assistant, and the approach of the physician. For the latter, he took on the role of a village elder, slowly and carefully imparting his reasoning and diagnosis background information. I learned a lot, but it changed my anticipated 15 min appt to an hour-long visit, and I didn't get an important referral.
Nice aspect of this experience is that I now have new considerations to anticipate when scripting visits in the future. Chances to grow are wonderful! 😀
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 836 , Tuesday 10/02/2026
Tuesday has been a quiet day for the most part, chores were done & more wallpaper has vanished off the walls of the box room.
There may even have been some time spent in medieval Bohemia!
I do like KCD2, just entered the 2nd of 2 huge open world maps, so much to explore!
Final Thoughts.
Oh Nuggan’s holey nuts I wish this winter was over, it is wall to wall grey, or thats how it seems!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Hot take: Refusing to adapt to AI/LLM mirrors a lack of patience for autistic & neurodivergent persons. If you can't handle an AI, you can't handle a person. I'm talking communication & treatment, not Copyright. Refusing explicit context reveals bias.#AI #Autism #Neurodiversity #ActuallyAutistic
Hot take: Refusing to adapt to AI/LLM mirrors a lack of patience for autistic & neurodivergent persons. If you can't handle an AI, you can't handle a person. I'm talking communication & treatment, not Copyright. Refusing explicit context reveals bias.
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic certain people at work are pushing back on a newsletter item (from two months ago) sharing info on a workshop series from @theautisticcoach
the claim is it may violate "policy" but does not clearly explain how or why other than "it's an outside event" and not "affiliated or partnered with" us and yet other items like it for the past 3 years were fine
this is the epitome of "not being socially acceptable” in the workplace
this is my default for the past two years and yet, i get attacked more now than ever…
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic how do you respond to people who are trying to "manage you”?
currently embroiled in multiple "land wars in Asia” over disability rights issues and there's multiple people trying to “manage me" while i am expressing opinions that make them uncomfortable.
what makes this worse, it’s been going on for over a week now.
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 837 , Wednesday 11/02/2026
Wednesday has been another manky winters day!
Chores were done, more wallpaper was stripped of its dignity & throw naked to the floor of the box room - I was up a set of short stepladders getting the bits my short-arsed frame won’t allow me to reach!
Then a romp around medieval Bohemia!
We watched a documentary about the 5 brave double agents who convinced Hitler that D-day was gonna hit Calais.
It’s sad to think that the far right are upturning their efforts & ensuring that their sacrifice was, ultimately, in vain!
Final Thoughts.
I’m quite pleased with the progress in the box room, there maybe sanders at dawn next week when I’m planning to tackle the woodwork!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic they say “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" but what about an autist who’s had enough…
i imagine it be something like this:
You are the kindest, calmest, most centered human being on the planet. But one day, you're gonna hit your limit. One day, some poor bastard is gonna force you to make a scene. And when that happens, tell you what… I would not want to be the motherfucker on the other side of it.
—Teri Rogers-Collins, Paradise
one of the big things that i still have problems answering is when people start a question with "Do you mind...?" because if i answer with no, i sound like an asshole but if i answer "yes", i have some serious cognitive dissonance and i tend to make myself confused about what im talking about (and start to overthink about how i answered the question).
I usually answer with "no i dont mind" but i dont think people hear anything past the "no".
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic couldn't have said it better myself...
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 838 , Thursday 12/02/2026
Thursday nearly started early at just after 6am but I rolled over for 5. More minutes & woke again at just gone 7am!
Rinse & repeat today, chores, bit more prep work in the box room & then a decent romp in medieval Bohemia.
I noticed that there is a new version of No Mans Sky released, but I’m far to entangled in KCD2 to care too much about it at the moment.
Final Thoughts.
We have a warning for yellow snow tonight & tomorrow, I’m hoping it doesn’t disrupt our plans for Saturday night!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
@autistics After over a year since a meme convinced me that having a system for everything isn't typical, I got my diagnosis documentation today. I am officially #ActuallyAutistic now. (Not that I think that diagnosis is necessary, but for my own mental wellbeing I did feel that I needed it.)
Some big parts of my life are beginning to make more sense.
Edited 13d ago