“The rough-finish Mitre. Half football, half Portuguese Man o’ War. On the verge of a ban in the European Court of Human Rights, this model is not for sale to children. […] Made from highly durable fibre-glass, stuffed with neutron star and coated with dead jellyfish.”
—from “Playground Football” by Christopher Brookmyre
Today, 25 May, is World Football Day ⚽
https://dearscotland.com/2009/08/07/playground-football-by-christopher-brookmyre/