For me being pan means that I am attracted to personalities, not bodies or organs, which gives me the opportunity to create a safe space for trans people or people who struggle with their body image.
This includes the physical expression of the personality, through movement and interaction with the environment and as an autistic person, especially the interaction with objects. The most important physical features for me personally are eyes and hands, so the way someone moves a steering wheel, plays an instrument, types on a keyboard can be super attractive to me. This has a strong psychological component too, it’s the fact that someone has power over an object, which is super fascinating to me and can create strong feelings of admiration and safety.
In combination with my sensitivity to sounds, musicians can make me fall in love instantly, but it goes beyond that. It’s about being able to connect with people over special interests, topics that are important to me, like the use of words/language for example and giving me the chance to learn something (which created a limerence for my favorite English teacher that lasted for decades).
Another important area that is related to my autism are ethics and values.
This can have the opposite effect too, because no matter how physically attractive someone is from an aesthetic pov, certain aspects of their personality can cause aversion in me.
The most important aspect for me is personal growth and I don’t mean that in the sense of optimizing yourself to be a productive member of our capitalist society (boo!), but the wish to understand yourself and connect with others in your own unique and authentic way.
This makes online-relationships super exciting for me and created new and often uplifting experiences for other people too.
#ActuallyAutistic #autism #AuDHD #pansexual #queer #trans #neurodiversity #neurodivergent
