audhd

This morning there was a situation, that showed me once more how differently people experience sensory input, especially autistic and allistic people.

My personal assistant accidentally arrived one hour too early and because I had to finish some routines, I asked her if she wants to wait on the balcony. She agreed and then we had the following conversation:

Me: "It's already very hot in the sun."
She: "I can endure the sun."
Me: "Ok, do you have sunglasses?"
She: "I don't need sunglasses."
Me [big autistic eyes]: There's such a loud noise from the construction work nearby. Do you have headphones?"
She: "That's not a problem. I don't need headphones."
Me: 😯

When I opened the balcony door 20 minutes later, it felt like opening the gate to hell. These 20 minutes would have probably caused a meltdown for me. For her it was just a relaxed start into the working day.

#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #neurodivergent
@autistics

That call screening feature on my phone that makes someone record an intro before putting the call through.

Chef’s kiss 😘👌

I’m so chill when rejecting calls now. 📵

#ADHD #AuDHD #Autistic #ActuallyAutistic @actuallyadhd @autistics

I never chased classical music, I mean I don’t hate the Lone Ranger or the Pachelbel, but by and large it just never turned me on - I think that wasn’t it. I’ve got this French museum channel on teevee and a lot of the time it’s just, “Within the Frame,” a show just showing art and playing music, classical, I assume French music - and I don’t just not care, I hate it.
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Singing songs have context - this is just emotion and drama . . . unexplained. I don’t need your unspeaking drama, it winds me up.
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#IWatchTooMuchTV #Music #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #ND @autistics

the champion stood and worked his way between the academics and their desks, stepping out in front of the line and assessing the enemy, where no-one had separated themselves.
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“Is there no-one?” He roared. “Will no-one make your case? Have your people nothing to say?”
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. . . meh, that’s all I got. You finish it, @wearywulf 😘
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#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #ND @autistics

Now I’m not the world’s most passionate man, I got alexithymia and some of the ol’ echolola
echo-lo-lo-lola
la-la-la-lola 🎶
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#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #ND @autistics

I've been up
I've been down
take my word
my way 'rou-hou-ound
I been masking too mu-uch
I said, Lord take me home now
I'm just melting down to mush
.
I've been bad
I've been good
heard their music
ate their foo-oo-ood
I been masking too mu-uch
I said, Lord take me home now
I'm just melting down to mush
.
Take me back
Way back home
just by myself
all alo-o-one . . .
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you get it 🙄
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#ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD @autistics

I think I figured out my marketing problem. I lose my words. When I go to do marketing stuff I lose my words/my mind goes blank/its like static on the fritz. (yay AuDHD!), and I'm sure it's probably driven by trauma/basically being told that my own stuff is probably wrong and not good, but am wondering if any other #ActuallyAutistic folks run into this when promoting their work.

@autistics

#AuDHD #Neurodivergent @neurodivergent

gawd I wish I could turn it off 😬
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#ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD @autistics
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ALT

What did Bender say, I’m so embarrassed I just wish everybody else was dead 😬
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#IWatchTooMuchTV
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when an aspie prick hatches late, that is a long fall and retroactive all the way back 💔
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#ND #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic @autistics

I don’t want to single the person out, and I’m not, believe me, every normal person and most of the weirdos say what I’m about to argue with. I’m borrowing their text, though, it’s perfect, just what nearly everyone thinks.
.
“I think violence is a part of human nature and could never go away. Even if you found a way to stop all physical violence, the human aggression that causes it would still exist.”
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I have a hard time accepting this, but I don’t think the majority sees anything wrong with that statement. Honestly, I think it’s built in, evolved into the majority.
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But from over here in Divergent World, what I see is an excuse never to change anything, never to stop whatever is causing the aggression. “It would still exist,” so it is beyond causality, beyond science or thought? Purely a spiritual matter?
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I’m still a toddler among the adults of Allistic science, having to ask, “Why?,” every ten seconds because, “because of Human Nature,” isn’t a real First Cause, you’re just sloughing your child off - OK, Dad, I’ll keep
it going: why, “Human Nature?” And anyway, when someone isn’t aggressive for thirty seconds, isn’t that, “Human Nature,” too?
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You have the same answer for opposite questions?
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But back to the point, the majority is so certain that aggression is natural and proper, causeless and inevitable that they will not experiment, will not learn anything further about it.
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#ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD #Philosophy #NTPsychology @autistics

My dear AuDHD / ADHD / autistic fellows, do you have any experience with "mindfulness"? You know, the stuff where whole books exist about being in the moment, breathing, etc.? I don't yet know much about it and before I deep-dive into it, I want to know from you!

Is it useful? Or is it just another thing that seems to be advice from neurotypicals for neurotypicals?

#ADHD #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic

@actuallyadhd
@autistics

@autistics
Announcement: #Voxelibre multiplayer casual game today (Sat) for 4 hours in the late afternoon to evening (North America). That's in about 8.5 hours from now.

Voxelibre is a free and #OpenSource crafting and mining voxel game, available in the #luanti game engine.

Damage has been turned off. People with #Autism, #ADHD or #AuDHD are invited. We also have a #Deltachat group for game-related discussion. More details here: https://docs.autis.toque.im/
(Note: You can join with pretty much any device which **isn't** an iPad/iPhone)

#game #gaming #games

#AuDHD projects are always like that: yes, I have a system, but I don’t have enough patience to follow it meticulously enough for it to end up as ordered and perfect as I imagined it in my head - so the result is always disappointing me or leaving me irritated with myself for not being able to follow my own instructions
@autistics
#adhd
#neurodivergent

ALT

Maybe it is actually #alexithymia speaking, but I am pretty sure I can’t feel hate.
Like, I can feel despise, disgust, loathe, horror, fear etc - but hate? Hate assumes certain amount of passion, strength - it’s something too big to bother to maintain for someone you don’t like.

Maybe it’s just my #autistic negation to use definitive labels - like the hesitancy to consider what I can feel ‘love’ or to call someone a friend.

@autistics
#neurodivergent
#autism
#AuDHD

Being AuDHD makes it so hard to keep to basic daily routines when the context they reside in suddenly changes.

In theory, my routines could be almost the same right now as before. But I’m deeply thrown off by a change around me, even though this change was planned and I’m prepared.

It’s like my internal map broke - the one that guides me through each day showing me all the waypoints. Need to figure out where I am and make a new map... recalibrate.

Usually takes me at least 2 nights to adjust. The morning after that second night should feel MUCH more comfortable.

I’m noticing I’m feeling embarrassed sharing this, too. 😔 I don’t know why. It’s just AuDHD stuff. I’ve only known I’m AuDHD for a few years though. Somehow I still think I can power on through (doesn’t work) or magically snap out of it (haha!)
@autistics
#AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic #ADHD

In continuation of this post:

https://mementomori.social/@olena/116724537492462579

Playing a single-player game, I feel an urge to make a certain move. I take a look, and I clearly see it’s a wrong move, I see the rule it breaks, and I know if I do it, it will be considered a wrong move and I will be punished - lose a heart or something. There are no possible hidden positive effects to it. I make the move anyway.
Why? What happens in the brain in this moment that I still do the move fully understanding that it is wrong?
@autistics
#AuDHD
#neurodivergent

I am exploring my cognitive profile and curious about how other AuDHD adults navigate similar experiences.
Reading and absorbing complex material comes easily, alongside a clear internal sense of connections between concepts.
Spoken conversation presents challenges with rapid retrieval. Unexpected questions can cause me to freeze, as numerous interconnected thoughts lack an immediate route to linear speech.
Writing requires several days for the conceptual structure to settle internally before drafting. Rubric headings and points outline the sections, which then become full paragraphs.
Musical composition works similarly, where multiple parts and several bars are heard internally before notation begins.
Mental arithmetic and automatic recall of basic number facts require conscious, step-by-step calculation.
Stress intensifies difficulties with working memory, processing speed, and verbal recall, particularly under strict deadlines.
I welcome reflections from fellow AuDHD adults with strong conceptual strengths alongside differences in processing and retrieval. #AuDHD

my attempt to understand the world has reached a point where it’s pointless to carry on with, it doesn’t mean anything to anyone what I figure out, if anyone had all the answers it still wouldn’t matter, not to everybody else.
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I got fooled about this “march of human knowledge,” deal, as though we all absorbed everything anyone ever figured out. Oh gawd.
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We learn it in social mode, we learn the NAME of the person who figured it out, Charles Darwin, Rachel Carson, Sigmund Freud. Darwin figured out evolution (and Wallace, and surely others. Me.), so Darwin knows evolution, everyone else is still talking about Human Nature. Same with Freud. 😠
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What I have figured out, I know, and so it don’t mean squat and I’ve wasted my life. Ain’t nobody asking me nuthin’ and human knowledge isn’t a thing.
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Not in NT world. I assumed too much, I give too much credit.Their nations and their laws are still based in ancient Greek paganism.
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#ND #AuDHD #NTPsychology #Philosophy #ActuallyAutistic @autistics

Me, coming back with my bullshit (LOOOVE that meme):
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when an animal, humans
included experiences
abuse, or perceives abuse, they are unhappy about it, displeased, upset, perhaps angry.
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This is not “Autistic rigidity,” rather ignoring this obvious fact is Allistic rigidity, it is they who are not rolling with what is real,
not working with this fact of life,
not changing their methods due to the reality on the ground.
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The entirety of the Human sciences supports this simple
causality and the only counter argument people have against it is denial, they don’t want it to be real, so they say it isn’t and try to make everyone agree with more abuse. Unfortunately, this is working.
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They have hijacked their environment and so diverted their own evolution, and many today really cannot see this truth, this core actuarial truth, that abuse changes people.
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The whole idea of law and punishment ought to have dried up and blown away with Wallace and Darwent, the idea that the same stressors work forever, that the animal doesn’t ADAPT to law and order belongs in a pre-Darwin world. Punishment would only ever do what they hope in a static, never evolving world. Do I have to remind you, crime has not ended?
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People adapted and evolved instead of learning what the punishers wished to teach. They even adapt to prison.
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“Rigidity,” is just what one neurotype says about another. It only means type is real, that people cannot be talked out of their evolved thoughts.
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My point in it all is that your evolved thoughts are like what the Russian fox farm showed: change the phenotype, select for
something, you’re likely also changing the personality, the brain and the thoughts. The supposedly regrettable Human Nature is being unregrettably selected for, and humans are doing the selecting themselves.
.
So in theory, things could change. Sigh. So far, only in theory. My experiments were
futile.
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/1 maybe
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#ND #AuDHD #NTPsychology #Philosophy @autistics

https://www.technologynetworks.com/neuroscience/news/dopamine-may-play-a-bigger-role-in-autism-than-we-thought-416151

It kinda makes logical the overlap between #autism and #adhd
Also, to me personally it’s interesting that it mentions connections between cortex and deeper regions, because in my teens, I had a bunch of encephalograms, and they said that I have irregular cortex - subcortex connections with increased cortex control, and I now wonder if those things are related
#AuDHD
@autistics

@autistics
Announcement: #Voxelibre multiplayer casual game today (Sat) for 4 hours in the late afternoon to evening (North America). That's in about 5 hours from now.

Voxelibre is a free and #OpenSource crafting and mining voxel game, available in the #luanti game engine.

Damage has been turned off. People with #Autism, #ADHD or #AuDHD are invited. We also have a #Deltachat group for game-related discussion. More details here: https://docs.autis.toque.im/
(You can join with pretty much any device which **isn't** an iPad/iPhone)

#game #gaming #games

I need something to think about and something to write but I’ve run out of anything remotely possible.
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I think I said this already, I’m obsessively trying to imagine how to show NT people the trap they’re in, but how to demonstrate, how to prove anything, the whole problem is they can’t see the proof in the first place.
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I’m looking for an analogy, cases where they can see other species inability to perceive or process, like the way wasps cannot find the open hole they entered the trap by to get out again, the way some herds or flocks can get caught up following one another to nowhere in a circle.
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Of course it falls apart, you can’t explain that first trait to the wasps or the second one to the turkeys. There’s a world of shit you can’t explain to me too.
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What I’m trying to express about myself in all this is my own shock at my own awareness of what I can’t seem to explain. I would like to somehow impart how R-worded people seem to be regarding causes, how I hear them say, “human nature,” like the low IQ aliens in Hitchhiker’s say, “Resistance is futile,” or like the gulls in Finding Nemo say, “Mine?”
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I see that expression, “human nature,” as an anti-intellectual rule, the one and only thing the totalitarian state insists can be said regarding people, any causality is some kind of treason. The slogan for a regime under which no self knowledge is permitted.
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“I hit them but it doesn’t HURT them,” is R-worded. That’s what hitting is for. If you don’t want to hurt them, why are you hitting them? If it doesn’t hurt them, what’s the point? Where’s the deterrent?
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It has consensus, but it looks really, really bad to me, logically. Like they don’t understand a word they say. I sprayed water on them, but I didn’t WET them. Something isn’t working there, rather, sense isn’t allowed in to human life.
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Sorry, FWIW
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/1 probably
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#ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD @autistics #NTPsychology #Philosophy

In theory… today should be one of the new residential glass recycling collection days.

I am braced and ready with windows and doors closed and never too far away from ear protection.

Last time, they did some glass collection on the scheduled day, the came back later the same day AND next day for more! 😬😅 O.M.G.

Sensory overload is one thing, but SURPRISE sensory overload is a whole other thing. Doing my best now to spot patterns as part of planning to, hopefully, avoid surprises. But/and the glass recycling collectors do not know this. They’re free to change their patterns at any moment!

@autistics
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD