Being AuDHD feels a little bit like constantly parenting yourself.
ADHD: Hungry. Sweets.
Autism: Not before the lunch which is ready in 5 minutes.
actuallyautistic
Have started the "screening for ADHD" phase of being assessed for AuDHD. So far the Autism diagnosis process has been really good. They use the "DISCO assessment instrument" which is designed for adults. The questions mostly make sense to me, which is more than I can say for about every other autism questionnaire I've encountered so far.
I can't remember the name of the ADHD screener that was used, but it's less satisfying. For example, one of the questions is "when I'm in a meeting, I have to get up and move around". And the only options for answers are "Strongly agree / agree/ neither agree or disagree / disagree / strongly disagree".
There's no answer there that captures my experience, which is "I really, really need to get up and move around but I'm able to force myself not to so I never do it."
And most of the questions are like that.
Three years ago, I hesitantly signed up on my first instance on Fedi and staggered out onto the social media stage for the first time in my life. Why I chose Mastodon for this, is more of a why not, than a why. It was during the great Twitter wave and I'd read a few things about it and it seemed like a good a place as any.
The first thing I did was search the hashtags (even I knew to do that) for my autistic brethren. From that day to this, I have not been disappointed in what I found. Either in the welcome, or the sense of community. Or even, possibly, that I've never come across a bigger bunch of weirdos, misfits and malcontents in all my life (😆) And yet you have all found a place in my heart.
I have learnt and grown so much by being here and continue to learn and broaden my understanding of not just autism, but so much else because of you all. For this and for so much more, I cannot thank you all enough. All of you who make up the Fediverse and who make this such a special place.
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic has anyone else noticed that there are some people you find it easier to do "social lubrication” with than others?
for example, there are some managers i don’t mind doing chit chat with before getting down to business and there are others who i just can’t.
It’s not even noon and I had such an intensive and inspiring day so far.
I got up at 2:30 am and called a friend who is a night owl, just to realize that I am not able to make phone calls today, he was very tired, so we decided to talk later and I switched to chatting with a friend from another time zone until he had to go bed.
The chat reminded me oft a song from the past (music by John Miles), so I started listen to it while processing the chat. Then I recorded several voice messages and started to make a playlist for another friend who spends a lot of time on the train today and “don’t wants people in her head while listening to music”, while switching to listening to “music” by John Miles in between until I was in a listening to this one song over and over again mode. All this included several pacing and dancing sessions culminating in exploring how fast in circles my office chair is able to spin.
As the chat was still open on my laptop I started to think about a good German word with a “Z”, because my friend is interested in the German language and phonology. I recorded and typed “Zufriedenheit” (satisfaction/contentment) and found it interesting that it contains the word “Frieden”, which means peace. As words have a very strong effect on me, I started to calm down a little bit, which immediately changed when I realized that it is not only 7:30 am already, but also November 24th which meant that my online-therapy session at 9 am was actually today, not tomorrow, so I started my morning routine, went for a walk with Lumi and gave him a good brush afterwards. I just had enough time left to have breakfast, listening to the song again on the balcony and feeding my crow friend.
At the beginning of my therapy session my therapist told me that I scored very high in my ADHD assessment last week, so I am officially AuDHD now. What a surprise.
She is so amazing, I will write another post about the session itself, but it ended with the word “zufrieden”.
Edited 30d ago
Yesterday I got to see a former poetry slammer - now comedian, whose career I have followed for over 10 years live for the first time.
When I got the ticket in January I was overjoyed. But the closer the date got, the more apprehensive I got. I was so scared to be hyped because I know how the saying goes. “Never meet your idols, you might get very disappointed very quickly.”
In the last couple of years he disclosed his own late-diagnosed neurodivergence as an AuDHDer and made it a bigger topic in his art.
He was one of the most influential poetry slammers who inspired me to start writing my own texts. I knew several texts by heart and honestly, I still know many passages of texts even now.
The hesitant tiny bouncy flapp flapps started when we arrived at the venue and I when the program was just so fucking amazing I spent all of the break bouncing up and down outside because I was overflowing with joy.
I laughed more and harder then the last couple of month combined.
After the show he gave autogramms and I swear my brain short circuited.
No words, just a shitton of happy chemicals. Bouncing up and down in front of him, hands flapping, a completely unmasked version of me.
I got a bit self-conscious when I heard people cooing behind me afterwards and I am still unsure how I feel about it.
During his performance he made some points that to me sounded like back-references to an old text of his and I just loudly blurted out a phrase from one of his former poetry slam texts from freaking 10 years ago. He immediately got the reference and was taken aback, even though he also looked happy and shocked. When the other people applauded after the show I made a finger heart and he saw it made one back.
I cannot put into words how happy all of this made me. I will forever treasure this.
The point I originally wanted to make was, how annoying it is that not only the big sad feelings but also the big happy feelings are exhausting.
But now I’m just happy all over again, having written this.
Brain is a mess in both good and bad ways.
#AuDHD #actuallyautistic #specialinterest #autisticJoy @autistics @actuallyadhd
Edited 30d ago
Today, I remembered to say "good, how are you?" instead of talking at length about how I really am! Twice! I was so proud of myself I almost giggled, which would have made things awkward indeed.
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 759 , Tuesday 25/11/2025
Tuesday started quite late at just gone 07:30.
Mrs S was in the office today so I had the house to myself.
I got my breakfast & did the normal early chores .
There is still stuff to do to get things back to normal now the router has been moved but I was waiting on materials to be delivered so I decided to have a bit of a lazy day.
This kind of worked in that I did some miscellaneous bits & bobs this morning, had lunch then called the store where I bought my new iPad from to chase a discount I had been promised but which had failed to be applied to my purchase - after 18 minutes on hold to their helpdesk a guy called Ollie answered & like so many people do, addressed me as madame - ok I have a high pitched voice - I’m not sure my voice ever broke - but really!!
Anyway I think his guilt at this faux pas got me an easy ride because as soon as I explained my problem he disappeared for a couple of minutes then came back & applied the discount!
Having not only conquered my intense dislike of calling folk, but also succeeding in my mission I decided that I deserved the 1st Dune movie!
I quite happily watched Dune until about 3pm when for no reason other than the thought occurring to me, I decided to redo the cabling in the recently fitter smart network switch (which did need doing because I had failed to document what was fitted to each port, making port management a bit complex) & in doing so decided that to accomplish this I needed to rewire the whole AV unit (where the switch is sited).
There followed a couple of hours merry cable management with the upshot that the cable runs in the AV unit are now a lot tidier & devoid of several redundant cables & all the ports in the smart switch are now identified & documented.
While I was about it I decided that (later this week ) the sound system needs recalibrating. I might factory reset the AVR we have & start from scratch, we've had issues with Mrs S's Bluetooth headphones loosing their connection to the AVR recently so a reset might well help.
I still need to finish watching Dune & watch Dune pt 2, that will be my reward at the end of the week I think!
Final Thoughts.
Not a bad day, not the relax fest I initially planned but not a bad day for all that!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
@autistics
@autism101
Before I knew I was autistic, my social life consisted of pretending to love people I didn't love, to like things I didn't like, to care about things I didn't care about, to miss people I didn't miss, and to find things interesting that I didn't care about.
Random thoughts & feeling energised in a knackered sort of way. If I was less knackered & not aiming for the end of day wind down I'd get of my backside & do things.
If this foes turn into a solid bit of insomnia, maybe I should use it as it'll mean that I won't get nothing done tomorrow.
Hello insomnia, my old frenemy.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Life #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 760 , Wednesday 26/11/2025
Wednesday started just after 07:30 & found me suffering from a streaming cold which had come over me during the night causing me to sneeze myself awake in the wee small hours!
I cracked on with breakfast & my chores then set about insulating the pipes that run along the landing & those in Mrs S’s study.
I also re laid part of the cable run to my room because it was bugging me that it wasn’t ’just so’.
The doorbell went around 11am & our postie stood without holding my iPad, which I’m now using to write this! However at the time I was very good, & put it on one side, having thanked our Portman profusely, & went back to re-laying the floorboards.
Stopped for a cheese n pickle sarnie around 1pm then finished the floorboards.
I had just finished that at around 3pm when Mrs S rang to say that her mum had been taken to hospital again & she was on route to see what was what. Turns out that my MiL had had a fall & cut her leg, but other than a dressing & an overnight stay under observation she seems to be ok - indeed Mrs S rang this evening & the Dr was discussing discharge details with her.
The upshot of all this is that I delayed unpacking & making the the new iPad mine until I knew all was well & I wasn’t going to have to find someway getting over to the hospital without a car!
So it was at around 4pm I finally got to play with my new toy / early Christmas present.
I’ve decided not to do a straight copy of everything all at once as I want to tailor this new iPad according to its capabilities.
Final Thoughts.
Not a bad day all told, the post router move work is very nearly done & I have my new iPad 3 days before I was expecting it!
Now it just has to survive until tomorrow lunchtime when the case & screen protector arrive!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic another day, another double empathy problem...
…the antagonistic nature of the below comment seemed obvious to me, but not to my allistic friend…
"...during the pandemic...groups were proliferating wellness/well-being activities not directly related to duties that occurred during worktime....[m]any personnel abused reasonable limits...spent on these...activities and...responded to [managers] reasonable limits with outsized anger/complaints...”
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 779 , Monday 15/12/2025
Monday started rather early and just before 7am.
I made us breakfast then did some chores before we set out for the days adventures.
First stop was to drop Mrs S off at the solicitors to have a meeting about next steps vis a vis the will & my MiL's estate, it seems that they will do the majority of the heavy lifting, for a fee of course!
While Mrs S was in with the solicitor I went up to my MiL's house and tackled a couple more draws ... made some interesting finds today in the shape of a laser measure (Bosch so a decent make), a handful of pencils, some miscellaneous small tools and a pair of binoculars. Mine are a Russian made pair I bought when I was a teenager, these are Miranda 10x50 wide angle with coated lenses. Not super special but better than my Russian pair!
There were a variety of other small nik-naks. I also came away with a small foot poof that I'm resting my tootsies on now and very comfy it is too!
We went to one of the local garden centres for lunch after Mrs S's meeting at the solicitors had finished. Then we closed up the house and went to meeting with the Undertakers, which went ok.
We did a bit of clothes shopping on the way home and then had a light tea of a couple of chicken skewers followed by a naughty helping of ice-cream.
Final Thoughts.
Mrs S is back in the office tomorrow so I can have a day to myself, which after today I could do with to be honest.
I'm endeavouring not to feel guilty about claiming my FiL & MiL's bits and bobs. I know that the contents were left to Mrs S and I to share between us but even so.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 761 , Thursday 27/11/2025
Thursday started around 07:15 ish, after an absolutely rubbish night due to I the lurgy that has me in its clutches.
Mrs S has stepped up & helped a lot today, I must look ill!
Spent most of the day working on getting my new iPad the way I want it & transferring Mrs S’s stuff from her old iPad to my ‘old’ iPad Pro. It should be a significant change for her not least because it’s a bigger screen.
She is not, by any stretch of the imagination a techno nerd but hopefully she will enjoy the bump up in speed & facilities.
One thing I have noticed is that my new iPad seems to have corrected a long standing problem I had with compose boxes on Mona & other apps not scrolling down when the text hit the bottom of the compose box, in fact not merely not scrolling down but the text vanishing until the post was sent. I found that placing a cartridge return or an emoji at the end of the text was a work around but it was annoying nonetheless!
It only took buying a whole new iPad to fix!
Final Thoughts.
I’m feeling slightly better this evening, which is an improvement - I’m hoping for a better night tonight!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 762 , Friday 28/11/2025
Friday started just after 07:15 after a much better night than the previous one but with me still coughing & splitting as I fight the lurgy!
Today has been a quiet day with the high point being the arrival of the bits & bobs for my new iPad - a screen protector, case & a new apple pencil as the old one isn’t compatible - talk about built in obsolescence!
I’ve reset the AVR today factory settings again today & so I have to go thru the settings & recalibrate it next week when Mrs S is in the office.
Final Thoughts.
Well thanks to a number of fairly minor frustrations today has not ended on a high note.
Sometimes I wish there was someone close at hand who I could depend upon to help with technical issues. It is exhausting under usual circumstances to be the one working out the solution to pretty much any problem that occurs with even the most simple electronic devices in the house, it’s even more exhausting when I’m ill & my brain isn’t firing on all cylinders!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Cannot believe how a quick session of messing with the computer, remembering & refamiliarising myself with Obsidian & SyncThing up ended my day.
A pre breakfast half an hour turned out to have plowed through both breakfast & lunch & into early mid-afternoon territory 😂.
Plans in ruins, important tasks shunted as my brain was pickled or something.
Something, something hyperfocus, time blindness & executive dysfunction lead to something & dehydration. Why can't this trifecta happen when I need it?
I'd plough through all my tasks & then spend the last hours of the day restocking my body's calorie & liquid stores whilst unwinding with some movies or episodes 😎.
#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic
#Hyperfocus #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic never ceases to amaze me how neurotypicals prioritize the performative over the substantive…
…[self censoring snarky judgmental comment]
Thinking about my memory issues and how it affects my recollection of fictional works. I just finished my second watching of the Netflix animated series Dead End: Paranormal Park. The first time was a bit more than two years ago. I remember the timing as it ties in with certain things that happened in my life.
I didn't remember practically anything before it happened. Yet, there was this familiarity. I knew the characters. I recognized many things as the story unfolded. I didn't remember the big reveal. I had remembered that the show was cancelled before the final season, well enough so that I actually ordered the graphic novels the series is based on soon after I started my second watching. I still didn't remember how super-irritating the ending was with all the build-up for Season 3.
This is where I actually like my memory issues. I usually need repeated watching to remember the show so my second watching doesn't often feel like the second. It's a funny feeling. I know I like the show, it feels familiar, I know the characters (but not really their backstories) but I'm in the dark as to what will happen.
Earlier I've wondered why my classes didn't read any "classics" in school. Now I'm thinking that maybe we did. I simply have no memory trace of it.
RE: https://mastodon.social/@filmfreakmafia/115726539801848953
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic sounds like the process of unmasking to me
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 763 , Saturday 29/11/2025
Saturday started late, I had another very disturbed night so I slept thru until nearly 8am.
It’s been a quiet day, I went wild & made scrambled eggs for lunch - threw a couple of bread cakes into the air fryer for a couple of minutes - it toasted them wonderfully! Spread some blue cheese onto the toasted bread cakes & threw the eggs on top = very nice if I do say so myself.
It’s been another day of recovery today - I’m mostly there - just gotta get my strength back now, hopefully I will get a good nights sleep tonight!
We’ve had a Downton fest this afternoon / evening with pizza for tea!
The new iPad is settling in nicely, Mrs S seems happy with her upgrade & the ‘old’ iPad 7th gen is cleared ready for the trade in when the relevant packaging arrives next week.
Final Thoughts.
I seem to have won the battle with this bug, so I can look to finish tidying up after the great router move of 2025!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves