@autistics #ActuallyAutistic this resonates loudly based on personal experience and on other items i’ve read and watched…
…more prevalent as well, i find, when dealing with narcissistic people
actuallyautistic
I wonder how other #autistic #actuallyaudhd #actuallyautistic people feel about the tv shows:
- The Good Doctor
- Parenthood
Cc @autistics
I'm listening to Fern Brady talk about autism. Meltdowns as being like a bottle of pop/soda that's been shaken too much and then you open it.
I've read that it's often like anger. But anger tends to resolve quickly when the cause is fixed. Whereas, with a meltdown, NOPE! We're still "angry".
This was so much of my childhood. I was so angry so often.
Not that I could tell that this was odd because my father didn't like me and would yell at me. And he'd yell at my mother in front of me. I'd get between them and yell at him to stop.
Afterward, after his yelling and demeaning words, I'd go into a quiet room, turn off the lights, sit on the floor, and seethe.
Sure, it was justified seething. I was getting emotionally abused, before anyone thought this was wrong (back in the '80s). But I knew it was **wrong**
But the anger. I would be angry for hours.
When I'd be bullied or teased for being different in school, I'd be angry for a while. I'd even be violent within limits.
When I felt like I had no agency, I'd punch objects. I'd even Charlie horse myself: colloquial for punching myself in the thigh until walking with that leg ached.
So, sure, C-PTSD, because of years of accumulated awfulness. But also autism.
And this is so much of the difficulty with being autistic and getting diagnosed. The diagnostician has to untangle the trauma from possible autistic symptoms. There's overlap.
Also, so so SO many autistics have trauma. So many.
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 764 , Sunday 30/11/2025
Sunday started obscenely early at just past 6am when Mrs S woke me to tell me that she had had a call from the hospital where my MiL is being treated to the effect that she should get over there because they were putting my MiL on ‘End of Life’ care!
Mrs S insured on going in on her own, although I offered several times to go with.
I took me a while to get my act into gear, & by the time I got downstairs for breakfast Mrs S had already left.
After breakfast I got on with the task of heroism upstairs back into some kind of shape, I had to take the door off Mrs S’s study to lay the carpet, then that had to go back on, there were a whole host of other minor jobs that cumulatively took me until 3pm, with only a berth stop for a quick lunch.
Mrs S got back around 4pm with the news that her mum was up & had been asking for tea & biscuits - so it looks like she might well recover. I swear my MiL has more lives than a cat, this is the 3rd time she has come back from what doctors at that hospital have described as ‘end of life’ care!
Mrs S seemed happy with my efforts & was happier still when I made us ham hocks with veg & baby potatoes, with lashings of gravy!
Final Thoughts.
Well today has been a different day to what I envisaged yesterday!
On the plus side my MiL seems to be on the mend, although we are only cautiously optimistic on that front!
Also I seem to have more or less gotten over the dreaded lurgy. I still have a cough & ache a bit but other than that I’m ok.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
I’m have an important appointment this morning but I had to take a bus to get there, so of course I planned to arrive 45 minutes early. I had also planned 3 backup options and put in my calendar for easy lookup if needed. I had also planned where I could wait to avoid the potential rain.
As one does.
And of course I still managed to misread which bus stop the bus went from, so I had to run to catch it which triggered my asthma that still hasn’t fully recovered (not dangerous/serious, just very unpleasant).
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 765 , Monday 01/12/2025
Monday started stupidly early with next door’s kid screaming warheads off & chasing one another at around 6am!
I clung to my comfy warm duvet for as long as I could but was downstairs by 06:30!
Breakfast followed then after my coffee & some time on here I worked on the daily chores.
I’ve been taking ginkgo biloba for the last few weeks & it really seems to be helping me focus & find the motivation to do things.
I’ve tidied my desk today, with side forays into sorting out my not inconsiderable hoard of computer cables & drives.
The end result, after a days effort is a much tidier desk & a better layout for my mac & the 2 attached screens.
Now I’m left with the much bigger job of sorting my filing system out - it has been neglected for far too long!
Finished the day with s fried chicken takeaway & an episode of Judge John Deed - a fine way to end the day!
Final Thoughts.
I am starting to function again after a long period of struggle, but some of the key factors that drag me down are still very much in play. Perhaps one day I will be brave enough to tackle them & completely change my life.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 766 , Tuesday 02/12/2025
Tuesday started quite late, Mrs S was off to the office so I managed to get a lie in until around 07:30.
I’m still fighting off the dregs of last weeks cold, still a bit snotty & still got some gunk in my lungs so my cunning plan was to do the most urgent chores & then have a very relaxed day.
Oh the plans of mice (or squirrels) & men!
So we keep our spare toilet rolls in a cupboard under the CH boiler - I went to get a couple to top up supplies in the bathroom & noticed some water on the packaging - the last time this happened it was down to the condenser overflow coming loose, so i checked that was ok - it was fine. Then I put my diagnostics head on & went searching for the leak. Off came the cover of our Vaillant boiler, down came the instrument panel to give me access to the innards & there in front of me was a thin layer of water - after some further investigation I tracked the fault down to a component to near the pump - turns out this is the diverter valve, which aims the hot water at the heating system or the hot water heater as required.
I will tackle most plumbing problems but this one was beyond me so I called our tame plumber, Simon.
Simon id’s the part & then got a price for me - turns out our boiler is 14 years old & parts are not easy to come by nor are they cheap. The cost of the repair was a decent chunk towards a new boiler.
Given that the boiler is so old I decided that I would take the hint & let this boiler retire in favour of a new one.
Simon advised a Gloworm boiler of a similar heating output as they are made by Vaillant & share many parts, they are also cheaper.
Initially I was swayed by this argument, but, having had ice to think about it & chatted to Mrs S about it, we feel that although it is somewhat more expensive sticking with the brand we know with its superior quality parts is prolly the way to go.
(Additional: I’ve pinged Simon this evening & asked him for a price for a Vaillant boiler too. )
I went up into the loft & got down the oil filled electric radiator & the fan heater we store up there & installed them at strategic points in the house.
All this took me to around 3pm, wanting to have something to divert my mind I pulled my desk out & had a major go at tidying up the rats nest of power cables behind it.
By 5:30 pm it was all tidied too within an inch of its life!
By the time Mrs S got home it was mostly all done & dusted!
We had nuked lasagna for tea while watching one of Mrs S’s tv shows.
Final Thoughts.
Well today has been a moderately fraught day. We are still waiting on a price & a date for the new boiler, hopefully they will be provided tomorrow!
For those on MiL watch, we heard form the hospital this afternoon, she is still on a palliative care path but her condition is ‘not much changed’ from when Mrs S left her on Sunday afternoon. I’m not sure she will be coming home, but as noted before she is a hell of a tough nut & it’s not over till it’s over!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
I recently found this rather awesome YouTube creator Essy Knopf who is a therapist for autistic and ADHD folks, who is neurodivergent himself (and gay, even better).
This video in particular really resonated with me in explaining past relationship patterns and experiences that have been very confusing. Although I don't plan to ever get in another romantic relationship, it's good to understand the past a bit better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsRM5Xl7gzg
@autistics @actuallyadhd #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyADHD #EssyKnopf
A must read article about #AI detection tools and how #ableist those are, and the very negative effects it has against #neurodivergent persons like #Autistics and #ADHD.
Teachers must especially read this!
https://blog.ewancroft.uk/3m6njxcynds2n
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic #Autism #AutisticActually #AuDHD #education
I decided to give one more try and meet with a new psychiatrist this Friday. They'll be a good fit if they don't try to bulldoze me into a bipolar diagnosis.
I fervently believe bipolar is the wrong diagnosis for me, because I think they are misinterpreting an aspect of me being an AuDHDer. Besides, every psych med I've tried (and I've been on nearly every one at one time or another) has gone extremely poorly and dangerously.
#Psychiatry #Bipolar #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyAuDHD @autistics
> Supplement Mix Reverses Autism Traits
https://neurosciencenews.com/supplements-reverse-asd-30005/
Like hell, they say! Here's assholes still trying to force a "cure" for what doesn't need curing.
Edited 22d ago
Long post about Autism and masking - Why Autistic people are not like icebergs
It's time for a re- #introduction since this instance has changed a lot since being launched.
This instance was set up for testing and playing with Internationalized Domain Names. That experiment has mostly been a success and I've now migrated away from my once-main instance.
I'm a former software developer of over 20 years, working primarily in #opensource and #telephony. I now do #cybersecurity as a profession, after starting to do cybersecurity research as a hobby about a year ago.
In the last year, I've found and disclosed several dozen #vulnerabilities in #govtech platforms like #court and #voter registration systems, which have gotten a not insignificant amount of press coverage. Those disclosures can all be seen at https://govtech.cc
Beyond my #infosec postings, you'll typically find nonsense that I find funny; sometimes I might even say stuff that other people find amusing.
I once self-published a book that I've never read called The Consequences of Being Right (ISBN 979-8880045068). It was entirely written by ChatGPT and was published because I thought it was stupid and funny. Miraculously, I've managed to sell two copies, neither of which have been returned.
I'm #ActuallyAutistic and #ADHD, which is sometimes apparent.
All of my other links and socials can be found at https://linktr.ee/northantara
How do I not overanalyse both my own behaviour and the behaviour of others?
I have been told so many times that I cannot assume other people think about what they do in the same way that I do. And I wholeheartedly do not understand how that is possible.
I cannot imagine not trying to consider every aspect of a decision. I cannot imagine “just doing” anything “without thinking about it”.
Half the time I’m convinced people who act like that are trying to make fun of me and it’s a joke.
The other half of the time I get knots in my brain trying to imagine how others might have rationalised their own doing.
It’s exhausting and it’s alienating as fuck.
I just do not get it and I hate not understanding a concept at all.
#ActuallyAutistic @autistic
After 50 years on this planet and 2 years on the waiting list, on the basis of a couple of forms and a 50 minute video call I have just been formally diagnosed as autistic.
I'm relieved to finally be diagnosed but there's so much unanswered. I wanted to ask why my mental health has been deteriorating for the past 15 years, I wanted to ask about a potential cPTSD diagnosis but the doctor's remit was only for an ASD diagnosis. Guess this is just a first step.
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 767 , Wednesday 03/12/2025
Wednesday started early at just before 7am.
The oil radiator that I left on overnight to warm the upper floor had done sterling work - possibly working a bit too well, so I’ll turn it to a lower setting tonight & see how that feels in the morning.
The towel I put it the bottom of the cupboard housing the boiler was soaked thru this morning - I should have put a bowel down, but when I left it last night it was hard to tell exactly where the water was breaking out of the cabinet. This has been resolved now.
Mrs S, not wanting to be in our icebox of a house buggered off early to the office & was gone by the time I got downstairs about 15 minutes later.
22:30 I’m too tired & mentally exhausted to add much more to today’s entry - I’m glad I wrote up this morning this morning if that makes any sense.
So 2 things before I go to bed.
1. I have not heard from Simon the plumber all day, he is in extreme danger of loosing a long time customer especially after what is detailed in what follows:
2. My MiL passed this evening, sometime in between us getting a call from the hospital at around 18:30 & us arriving at the hospital - which is an hour away.
She passed peacefully in her sleep & I guess no one can ask for more than that.
Final Thoughts.
My MiL & I had a very stormy relationship, especially in recent years. I am still so sad that she will no longer be a force in our lives and I will miss her.
GNU Glo, may the ripples of your passing never fade. 😔🖤
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
#GnuGlo
Video contains descriptions of child abuse and mention of suicide
Edited 20d ago
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 780 , Tuesday 16/12/2025
Tuesday started just before 8am, Mrs S was in the office today so I got a lie in!
I was going to go for a lazy day today but it didn’t quite workout that way.
I was advices that the NHS had me on their Bowel Cancer Screening radar the other week & the kit arrived yesterday.
I knew that the posties came to empty the postbox 3 streets down (the days of one on each street are long gone) around 9am so I ‘procured’ a sample before breakfast (not as easy as it sounds) & fought my way thru the pouring rain to the postbox, popping my poop into the unsuspecting hands of the Royal Mail with around 15 minutes to spare.
Then I had to trudge uphill with the rain still beating down on me (I swear I’ve shrunk another inch!). Obviously by the time I had got in, shed my wet clothes & turned the coffee machine on the rain had stopped!
After a somewhat delayed breakfast I did my house-elf duties & finished in time for elevenses.
The plan then was to flop out & spend the afternoon getting an Attenborough fix via ‘Frozen Planet II’.
I made it thru the first episode & a half then got a bit restless & ended up cleaning the stainless steel fixed head on our shower, that has been bugging me for weeks.
It’s a pain in the butt to clean, & awkward to dismantle.
I swear you need to be like Zaphod Beeblebrox & have an extra arm to re-attach the thing … & why is it that I always get ¾s of the way thru putting things back together before noticing I’ve missed something - in this case the decorative stainless steel ring that covers the spacer that allows the water to fill the shower head. So the whole thing had to come back off again & then, with the ring now firmly in place I got the dang thing re-assembled!
I’ve prolly poisoned myself holding the nuts for the 5 bolts that hold the ensemble together between my lips while I fitted the bolts into the main shower body.
Still the job is done for another year!
Mrs S & I exchanged Christmas cards this evening, I got her a pop up cat card which went down very well, my stock of brownie points is riding high!
Final Thoughts.
Not a bad day - I wish I could just rest though, without my brain dragging me off to do sundry tasks all the time.
In other news Simon the plumber is AWOL & incommunicado again now that the old boiler needs getting rid of - I have news for him its now at the top of the drive so the if he wants it for parts / scrap value he will have to beat the scrap man who comes round periodically looking for such things.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 781 , Wednesday 17/12/2025
Wednesday stated at just before 8am, despite a decent nights sleep I woke knackered.
I felt bunged up & snuffly this morning, I think I've caught a bug again, I’m feeling cold despite the heating which is always a hint that all is not as it should be in this run down temple of a body.
It's been a quiet day, it seems that what I actually need to have such a day is a ripening bout of man flu.
Watched 'Infinite' with Mark Whalberg, Chiwetel Ejiofor & Sophie Cookson. A bit of turn your brain off fun with nods to the Matrix.
Then, for the first time in a while I actually spent a couple of hours playing 'Atomfall' on the PS5.
Did us a ham & cheese tagliatelle in the nukebox for tea because I had neither the energy or inclination to do anything more exciting.
That said I have got a cottage pie out of the freeze to bung in the air fryer tomorrow night & I'll make some gravy to go with.
Final Thoughts.
I seem to be getting even bug going & it's somewhat of a catch 22 situation, I go out & catch a bug because I don't go out very often (once a week at times), catching bug reinforces the desire not to go out ... rinse & repeat!
Nest year I am gonna have to get a handle on this hermit thing ... assuming I make it that long & don't catch something fatal in the meantime!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
I have a song that I hate stuck in my head. I have no idea why. I haven't heard it since I was a kid.
Digital artist here! Asking for commissions, if you could boost that would be greatly appreciated. Photos included for a few examples.. I am open to drawing many things whether realistic or cartoonish, original characters, even some abstract pieces. Funds raised from custom art commissions go towards keeping my partner @magicalgrrrl, our two cats, and I sheltered and fed.
https://ko-fi.com/lukeorion/commissions
#CommissionsOpen #DisabledArtist #ActuallyAutistic #DigitalArt
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 782 , Thursday 18/12/2025
Thursday started earlier than I hoped - first at around 5 past 5 in the very am because Mrs S had set the washing machine to start too early & then, having gotten back to sleep at around 7am because next door seems to have bought the kids a heard of elephants for an early Christmas present! …. BAH HUMBUG!
It’s been a mostly quiet day, I rang my dad but he was busy & said he would ring me back … it’s 21:21 & I’m still waiting. Hey ho.
The lurgy has mostly gone now but it did have a fun day of having me visit the ‘throne’ room on a regular basis thru the day! Now I just feel drained & exhausted.
Simon the plumber rang - apparently he wants to buy the old ch filter off me, he offered me a free service on the new boiler initially but given the givens I’m not sure we will be using him in future. I’ll let him sweat for a day or so, I mean fairs fair!
Final Thoughts.
A quiet day, I hope that I can get over this bug before Christmas Eve!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves