In Las Vegas young Barty Nicholls inadvertently steals a fortune from the Mob and is slashed to death by a limping hood. Later his girlfriend Cass arrives in London with a stack of stolen credit cards looking for Ben Turtle, famed as a credit card king who she needs as a partner in her credit card swindles. Thrown out of a West End hotel for stealing cards, the pair are soon muscled back in by two heavy Minders to sexually perform at a Mob party in front of Mr. Big. Ben and Cass check out with suit cases of Mafia cash then the real funny money begins to flow and the chase is on.

Six scientists arrive at the creepy Headstone Manor to investigate a strange phenomena which was the site of a mysterious massacre years earlier where 18 guests were killed in one night. It turns out that the house is the place of a satanic cult lead by a sinister monk who plans to kill the scientists who are inhabiting this house of Satan.

When compulsive gambler Sir Giles Staverley has lost his estate and all his money playing dice, he realises that he only has one thing left of value: his daughter Serena. In a final game, he stakes his daughter's hand in marriage, convinced that this time he will not lose. Unfortunately, however, he does lose; to the evil Lord Wrotham. Unable to return home and tell his daughter that he has lost her in a game of dice, Sir Giles kills himself there and then. Lord Vulcan, who has witnessed the events, takes pity on Serena Staverley, although they have never met. He challenges Lord Wrotham to a game of dice in which the winner takes both Staverley Court and Miss Serena.

Pet Shop Boys Chris Lowe and Neil Tennant embark upon a journey across England - but which England? Is it the half-remembered England of their childhoods, or the brutal reality of Mrs Thatcher's late-eighties England? Along the way they come across many familiar (and sinister) faces. The movie also features some of the Pet Shop Boys' most popular records.