Russian agents raid an American sperm bank in order to get the sperm of geniuses Thomas Edison and Albert Einstein to take back to Russia with them.

This is the story of young Tony Cannelloni as he attempts to break away from his overbearing mom and strike out on his own. He sets himself up with a new apartment, look, and lifestyle to improve his "sex appeal". Through a series of encounters with a variety of women he gets ever closer to achieving his goal. However, a never-ending series of calamities always seem to interrupt his progress.