An 'Airplane!'-style spoof of hospital soap operas—a brilliant young trainee can't stand the sight of blood; a doctor romances the head nurse in order to get the key to the drugs cabinet; and there's a mafioso on the loose disguised as a woman.

Orphaned and left in the desert as an infant, Evil Roy Slade grew up alone—save for his teddy bear—and mean. As an adult, he is notorious for being the "meanest villain in the West"—so he's thrown for quite a loop when he falls for sweet schoolteacher Betsy Potter. There's also Nelson L. Stool, a railroad tycoon, who, along with his dimwitted nephew Clifford (Henry Gibson), is trying to get revenge on Evil Roy Slade for robbing him.

Photographer Elliot Slater has inadvertently snapped the only existing photos of elusive jewel thief Omar. When Elliot leaves for a private vacation on an S&M island, he is followed by Omar, Omar's partner, Nina, and undercover police officers Fred and Sheila. Unaware of the number of people chasing him, Elliot enjoys his stay at the resort, and finds himself falling in love with head dominatrix Lisa.