Melvin White, a neurotic, accident-prone cop who gets demoted to the night shift, secretly moonlights as the Unknown Comic, an anonymous stand-up comedian who performs with a paper bag over his head. When someone using the same guise commits a string of bar robberies in town, some begin to suspect that White is the culprit.

A professional model, Sam Crain, is asked by her sister to smuggle a package from Europe to Portland Oregon, where she discovers that her sister is battling Chinese Shaolin Monks (not ninjas!). Fleeing the monks, Sam unwittingly involves Ed "Brainsmasher" Molloy, a nightclub bouncer.