In the future, the desert country of Turaqistan is torn by a riot after private corporation Tamerlane, owned by the former Vice President of the United States, has taken over. Brand Hauser, a hitman who suppresses his emotions by gobbling down hot sauce, is hired by the corporation's head to kill the CEO of their competitors.

After his long-time girlfriend dumps him, a thirty-year-old record store owner seeks to understand why he is unlucky in love while recounting his "top five breakups of all time".