"I see where you are coming from," the tailor said, "but I fear it would not work."
"Why not?" said the first dragon.
"It works for gnomes," said the second.
"And raccoons," said the third.
"Yes," said the tailor, "but three dragons in a trenchcoat will not look like a human."
"What is the meaning of this?" King Arthur demanded.
"We swore an oath," Lancelot said, "to aid damsels and accept their quests."
Galahad nodded. "I met a lady who requested free universal healthcare."
"Basic universal income," Percival added.
"And universal suffrage," Bors said.
Every evening I take the "You'll make it to tomorrow" sign off my bedroom wall, and put it in my time machine.
Every morning, I get into my time machine, go to yesterday before I woke, and hang the sign up.
It's nice to have something to be certain of, these days.
"Can you open one of these?" the treasure hunter asked.
He showed the witch an egg shell, with an intricate pattern of silk thread knotted around it.
"Put that back!"
"There's something inside, it must be valuable. But when-"
"Someone locked their grief away. Break one, and it's yours."
"Oh..."
"What happens to books that nobody reads?" the king asked.
"We send them to the archive for safekeeping," the librarian said. "There are many more books in the archive now than we have on the shelves."
"That must cost a fortune!"
"Not at all. Centuries ago, we found a dragon who hoards books."
"Dragon!" the knight called, "I'm here to end your reign of terror!"
"I merely land by a town and ask if they will give me someone to eat."
"Yet when they offer a sacrifice you spurn it and instead eat the mayor."
"Yes. And if they refuse to sacrifice anyone, I leave."
"That's... Hm. Carry on."
"The Dark Lord has taken over our land. What do we do?"
"Learn from the goblins."
"What? Those useless little-"
"Takes skill to mask rebellion as incompetence."
"What?"
"They know His reign will end. For now, they persist and resist."
"Oh."
"Also: remember every moment of joy is a victory."
The message from the stars was very long and complex, but contained instructions how to decode and parse it incrementally.
There was an image, of a very cute furry creature. And a text, which loosely translated said:
"Send cat pics please!'
A gravelly voice spoke from under the mayor's bed.
"I hear you need a monster hunter."
The mayor sat up.
"What? Who?"
"I'm a monster. I hunt. What do you need hunted?"
"Beklo the Ogre, but..."
"I'll bring you its head."
"How..."
"I am a monster under the bed. If it sleeps, I can find it."
A spaceship landed in the park. A door dilated and an alien emerged. It skittered to a notice board and carefully studied one of the posters.
It returned to the spaceship and soon came out carrying a cat and a mobile phone.
"Hi, we have found your cat Pebbles...Yes... Our secret base on Ganymede."
"I heard today," the cat I share a house with said, "that you humans only have one life."
"Most of us have only one, yes," I said.
"And you chose to spend it with me."
"Well, you moved in."
"You chose to spend it with me."
"When you put it like that, yes."
"You are wiser than you look."
"Why did you let that princess go?" one dragon asked another.
"He told me he's a prince."
"Fair enough. He's still dressed-"
"He hasn't told his parents yet."
"I see. Did you offer to vouch for him?"
"Naturally, but I won't out him."
"Of course not. Anyway, does he have any sisters?"
"If they have to do it, they should do it in private."
"Yeah!"
"It's not right, doing it in the open where kids can see."
"Yeah! It's not like they have to, it's something they choose to do."
"True. Hate is a lifestyle choice."
"Absol- Hate?"
"Yeah. What did you think we were talking about?"
"At last!" He held up a simple gold ring. "I have searched for this for years!"
"What is it?"
"A shapeshifting ring. I'll put it on... Imagine myself as... Ah! Wonderful!"
"I see no difference?"
"I have no joint pain!"
"Wow! Can it do other changes?"
"Anything you can imagine. Want to try?"
"There are protests, your majesty."
"Good," said the Emperor. "What are they protesting?"
"Grain prices. But why are protests good?"
"What would you call a society with no protests?"
"Happy, your majesty."
"I would call it oppressed. Prepare a report on their grievances."
"This again?" the dragon said. "It's been just a few centuries since the last time.'
"Please," the knight said.
"I asked you to make sure you had a way of getting rid of bad kings yourself, before you made any new ones."
"We didn't understand we made a king."
"You are such fools. Very well."
"May I have your name?" the faerie said.
"William," she said with a smile.
"Ah ah!" The faerie gave a wicked laugh. "I have your name! Now no-one will call you by it!"
"Thank you," she said.
"To win it back, you must- what?"
"I will find me a new one," she said, "one that suits me better."
"I worry about the prince," the king said.
"What is the issue?" said the witch.
"We held balls with all eligible ladies, but he found none. So we held tourneys, with all eligible knights. Still none."
"There are those who seek none."
"So none can turn his head?"
"Perhaps. Ask him."
"Amazing!"
"There's been a new breakthrough on flying cars! Soon, the-"
"It won't happen."
"This time, they fixed the-"
"Doesn't matter."
"Why not?"
"Dragons."
"What?"
"Flying cars get popular, dragons appear and eat them all, and make us forget it."
"What?"
"Happens every time."
"What?"
"Yup."
"Why are they calling me an Evil Overlord?" the Evil Overlord said.
"There is a saying that 'evil starts with treating people as things'," a minion said.
"So? I treat all people with dignity and respect!"
"You often change your definition of who's 'people', though."
"Doesn't everybody?"
It's a sensitive subject among dragons, hoards. It's not polite to admit you compare sizes, though most do. And questioning another dragon's choice of subject is just not done.
Except... hoards are, above all else, meant to be valuable.
"Face it, Fafnir. It was a fad."
"I love my Beanie Babies!"
The sigil was drawn in salt and ash, the candles lit at the pentagram points, the incantation declaimed.
There was a shimmer - a demon appeared.
"Curious. What ritual is this?"
"I got it from ChatGPT. I included all protections in my prompt!"
"I see," the demon said and stepped out of the sigil.
"I am actually a princess," the frog said.
"Oh no!" said the prince.
"My curse can only be lifted by a prince listening to me."
"Of course," said the prince, and bent down with puckered lips.
"What are you doing?!"
"Kissing you, like you asked!"
"No!"
The frog hopped away, muttering.
The full moon shone brightly over the park.
"What are you going to do with that?" the werewolf asked.
Her date, squatting to pick up a stick, paused. "Er..."
"Were you going to throw it? Ew!"
"I'm so sorry, I-"
The werewolf opened her bag. "Hang on... Here!"
"A frisbee?"
"It's moon-shaped."
