"I want to become a monster hunter," the young man said. "Any advice?"
The old moster hunter thought. "Those determined to find monsters," he said at last, "will always find them."
"Great! Anything else?"
"Always ask who decides what makes a monster." He paused. "And why."
When drought stuck, the dragon herded rain clouds to the kingdom. The king offered it gold.
"I did it for my family," the dragon said.
"You have family here?"
"The purpose of power is to protect one's family. As one's power grows, so must the scope of family widen."
"... I see."
#MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories
"You are a princess," the queen said. "Anything you desire you must win."
"I know. I learned to fight, armed and unarmed."
"A good start."
"I learned diplomacy and negotiation. What else?"
"Climbing, and lockpicking."
"And then I will get my own tower?"
"You'll be well prepared."
#MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories
It's an unspoken rule that you don't discuss the side effects of hyperjumps. In theory it's simple - you leave your universe and appear in another, the only major difference being that your ship is somewhere else.
We don't talk about minor changes.
But I miss my fourth nipple.
"There are two things you must learn about the world," the witch said. "The first is that it is what it is."
"It is what it is, and what it is is shit!"
"The second thing, oft forgot, is that it is not what it will be."
"Should that fill me with hope or despair?"
"Determination."
"Faster than light?"
"Anything can be achieved," the alien's translation device said, "by balancing the four fundamental chkoi."
"You mean gravity, electromagnetism, and the nuclear forces?"
"No, the fundamental chkoi."
"What are they?"
"Spite, tiredness, hope, and 'fuck it'."
"Can't you conjure one?" the dragon asked.
"I studied floral resonance, not construction," snapped the wizard.
He turned to the princess. "Can't your daddy give you one?"
"There was a vote, remember? We're a republic now."
The letting agent said:
"So you'll share the tower then?"
"You are," the hooded figures said gravely, "the Chosen One."
The gardener looked up. "Really?"
"You are Destined to save the world from a Great Evil."
"Fancy that."
"Come with us."
"Nah, too much to do."
"But... your Destiny."
"How do you know it's not my weeding that'll do it?"
The knight returned from his quest.
"Did you succeed?" the king asked. "Is the dragon slain?"
"I could not find it. I rode to where you said its lair was, but there I only found a huge wise old bird, who said there were no scaly dra-"
The knight halted.
"Dragons have feathers?"
"What's the best part of being a telepath?"
"Sometimes people think nasty, prejudiced things-"
"That's the best part?"
"No, the best part is that many will realise when a thought was horrible, and correct themselves."
"And that's the best part?"
"Yes. People try to be better."
"Teach me to fight!"
"Very well," the swordmaster said, "but first tell me why you want to learn."
"My honour has been stained!"
"Ah. I will teach you, if you accept the first lesson."
"Which is?"
"There is no stain that can be washed away with blood."
"You said-"
"Turn off that-"
"Multiverse Gate. I just built it."
"Look, when I said it can be good to kill your other selves, I meant the imaginary ones that live in other people's heads."
"Oh, I'll need a different-"
"No! By being who you decide you are, not who they imagine."
They looked at the damaged limb.
"You need to send me back to the factory," the robot said.
"We have a workshop here at the farm."
"I am not allowed to repair myself."
"Can you show me how to do it?"
"You'd do that?"
"I don't want to risk they decide it's cheaper to scrap you."
I stare into the Abyss, and I know it stares back at me. Slowly, hesitantly, I reach out, and the Abyss reaches out to me.
It pets me.
It is neither warm nor cold, both firm and soft, and very, very comforting.
"Thank you," I say.
Faintly, I hear: "You'd do the same for me."
"We were the first companion," the dog said, "the first ally and friend."
"Well done you," the cat said.
"After us, the humans befriended cows, sheep, goats, and pigs."
"Humans domesticated so many animals."
"And you."
"Us?" the cat said. "We only domesticated one. Humans."
"The actual words don't matter," the witch said, "only the cadence, and the strength of feeling."
"That was a healing spell?"
"Keeps me focused."
"You swore, with the worst profanities I have ever heard, for two minutes."
"Your leg's not broken anymore, is it?"
"Fucking hell!"
I picked up a hitch-hiker. I always stop for them, so I pulled over out of habit. Forgetting I was on a tween road, a ghost road, a twixt road.
"I'm going to Bonn," I said.
"What century?"
"Twenty-first."
"Close enough, I can wait there."
"Hop in."
I don't pry, but I am curious.
"They are changing," the witch said. "People do that."
"I know. But..."
"People are allowed to change."
"Yes, but not like that!"
"Either you accept that people can change, or you don't. No ifs or buts."
"I accept change! Just not-"
"Then accept it."
My phone rang. As did the phones of everybody else in the coffee shop. Unknown number.
I looked around. Everyone inside, and on the street outside, stared at their phones and rejected the call.
I looked at my phone.
Answered.
"Hello?"
"You are," a voice said, "the Chosen One."
The knight's lance was broken, his armour split, his blood pooling under him.
"You failed," the dragon sneered. "There'll be no tales teaching children dragons can be slain."
"But there will be stories teaching them to fight regardless."
"Because you failed?"
"Because I tried."
She picked up a hammer. "Is this your hoard?"
"These are my hammers," the dragon said.
She went to one of the anvils. "Is this it?"
"No." The dragon breathed fire into the furnace.
"Then what do you hoard?"
"Smiths."
"Oh? Where are the others?"
"I hoped you'd be my first."
I stared at the Devil. "Sorry, what?"
"I want to commission an original sin. Not The Original Sin," the Devil chuckled. "Something new."
"Why me?"
"I have read your fiction. You're very creative."
"But..."
"You don't need to commit it, just write it."
"Oh! What's the pay?"
"Why are they here?" the king said. "I didn't invite any fairies to our daughter's christening!"
"Hush, dear," the queen said, "I did."
"I give the gift of compassion," the first fairy said.
"I give democratic ideals," the second said.
"I give revolutionary zeal," said the third.
"So what do you do?" I asked, realising we had mostly talked about me.
"I'm a god."
At that stage of the evening, it seemed reasonable. "Of what?"
"Love, lust, stuff like that."
"That's why you're sitting in a bar alone?"
"I'm not alone."
"Do you want to be?"
"Thanks for asking."
"I see where you are coming from," the tailor said, "but I fear it would not work."
"Why not?" said the first dragon.
"It works for gnomes," said the second.
"And raccoons," said the third.
"Yes," said the tailor, "but three dragons in a trenchcoat will not look like a human."
