nd

these days it’s always, Am I managing this for my weirdness, or am I just fucking it up? (It’s about the guitar right now, but kind of about anything I do.)
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Mostly somewhere between, some from column A, some from column B, kind of thing.
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#Autism #ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD @autistics

I don’t see how anyone gets “Autism awareness,” without getting the root concept of neurotype. I don’t see the point or possibility of Autism awareness without it, without Allism awareness.
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Sorry.
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#Autism #ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD @autistics

I’m not prepared to defend this, they who have ears to hear and all that, but, “communication differences,” doesn’t ring right to me. We say different things, that’s content, not . . . transport.
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#ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD @autistics

the people I lived with all my life, the family I was born in and my married family never heard a word I said, I spent my life talking and expressing my divergent self and they never apparently heard a word and they think I am their projections instead of everything I ever thought, felt, said, and did and so what conclusion can I possibly have except that they think everyone is lying and so speech, that human miracle is disabled for them, turned off? Why would a sane man keep talking to these people? How can they make their peace with this nonsensical world of bullshit, let alone force everyone else into it? (We’ve gone from my family to NT people in general.)
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That’s their whole theory of mind, learn to live without speech, right? Eye contact is a binary, a language with two words, yes and no, that’s what they have replaced the miracle with.
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#ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD @autistics

Whatever reason you can’t do something is a #Disability. If you can’t because you are certain it’s a thing that shouldn’t be done, this is a moral or a social disability, this probably describes the #ActuallyAutistic social disablity, I think I can’t generally lie because I see no good in it (in the long run, often). Everyone sometimes says, I tell the truth because it’s easier to remember, we all see that life could be more straightforward.
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You don’t have this disablity if the social aspect of any interaction is more important than the literal truth, if you are hypersocial to that extent. Then you are socially abled. Then lying can be “morally right,” to you, you’re prioritizing social things.
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EDIT TO ADD:
I mean, an example, often the case, the majority sort finds it morally wrong to tell a child an awful truth, it’s like I said about lying, they’re often certain that’s a thing that shouldn’t be done.
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BACK TO OP:
socially abled but disabled from literal truth?
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It is very difficult to show or even imagine things from both sides of the neurotype difference, the language is hard to find. If we could learn to speak across it, we could enhance each other, compound our positive features, or so I dream.
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/1
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🙄💜
#ND #Philosophy #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD @autistics

Content Warning: what a fuckin’ blowhard 🙄😀
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I’m not trying to claim the Prophet, blessed be his name and all that, but I often feel my mission is at least parallel, he had his visions and developed his philosophy and then sent letters to the world leaders, asking if they would “submit to God,” and I don’t know who to send the letters to, and I’d ask something like if they would begin the journey back to reality, and that seems the same.
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Like we both see a world gone wrong, like we think we know how and why.
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It’s complicated, I think religion is Allism, but it does seem to provide a lot of jobs for . . . aspies, this is not a conversation where I’ll use my self-slur, aspie is enough, again, I may make a general statement that prophets in general are #ND , but I don’t presume to know anything about Islam or its main guy.
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It’s just I would like to challenge to world to change its ways and submit also, to reality, perhaps it is the submission I liked. Of course, submission to reality and submission to God can be opposite things, but then there’s the modern sense that reality adds up to God, so you can read his challenge that way, as long as you stop after the letters. Of course after that, things don’t go the way I would have hoped, and I’m certain war is Allism, and also that it has fewer jobs for the #ND .
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These are the proportions in historical times, one person has a big idea and a bunch of them go to war about it, happens to all of ‘em. But despite inhabiting very different spheres of thought, I think the submission is the insight, the critical bit, FGS, find your place and accept it, stop fighting the world, you’re winning the fight and hurting everybody.
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#Philosophy #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Religion @autistics

Stop talking. They don’t know who you are, so they’ll only hurt you.
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#ActuallyAutistic
#ND
#AuDHD
@autistics

Honestly I have wasted my life trying to explain the simplest causality and science to them. They’re just too far gone, I mean historically and prehistorically, they seem to have arrived already too far gone. They continue on their divergent trajectory, but it doesn’t look like anything ever could have stopped them, even at the start.
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I see their life cycle, such as it is, I don’t mean it’s functional, but how do you change a life cycle? It’s like asking a caterpillar not to pupate. The first caterpillar that ever did likely didn’t think it had a choice about it.
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I might try my failed life experiment again if I had time and was a billionaire, except this time I’d lose the mother and pack my kids off to Mars to do it. Still, the first failure kind of suggests that wouldn’t work either.
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I know, NT psych even has reasons it wouldn’t work, repression and whatnot, but there’s hints that even without repressed abuse and attitude transmission, that a normal child may be sort of automatically abused and bitter, the way my kid speaks and knowing who I am and what I did, it’s like they can’t imaging a gentle father and couldn’t see one right in front of them. They know my unimpeachable history, they lived with me, but they’re sure I secretly wanted to hurt them regardless. The actual literal abscence of a crime carries no weight, they think they KNOW there had to be malice, this looks like paranoia to me, I can’t put a dent in it.
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And everything I ever felt thought said and did got erased by it.
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#ActuallyAutistic #ND #Philosophy #Anthropology @autistics

@GreenRoc
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I live in your nightmare, it’s a building that specifically invites pets, there’s a common dogwash room. Just down the hall from me is a young dog, I don’t know breeds, lovely midnight grey coloured terrier of some sort, not a foot high, but he has a voice like a gun, you can hear him a mile away and every time he goes outside he barks hello at every door along the hallway.
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You’d want to kill me, I’m alone and lonely - so I say hello back, just say it in my living room, I figure dogs have great ears, he hears me. Though with his voice you think he might make himsef deaf. I mean people are always shushing him, telling him to shut up, to him, we’re all talking to him, I guess. I don’t think I’m making it worse.
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lovely dog, love him, and he loves everyone, but a little verbose. 😀💜 My issues aren’t as bad as some, but face to face, in person, when that dog barks, I jump out of my skin. 😬
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#ActuallyAutistic #SensoryNightmares #ND @autistics

So they think looking you in the eye is an honesty test and not meeting their eyes is avoiding the test so you’re lying.
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Of course lying successfully then involves passing the test, and people do pass that test while lying all day long. People “pass the test,” meaning they satisfy a criteria, but they’re still lying so the criteria isn’t really honesty.
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I think it’s compliance, submission, and often they know you’re lying but they DGAF as long as you make the submissive acknowledgement. I mean, when they know you’re lying, why pretend to test that? You lie looking straight in their eyes, you pass a test, you tell the truth but don’t let them look into your soul, you fail.
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Eye contact is a test for submission , but also for whether or not you’re a COMPETENT liar. If you are, in a world destroying irony, they can “trust,” you.
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#ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD #Psychology @autistics

That heightened, inflexible sense of justice that Autistics often have, that’s an extra organ, another region of the brain that does the actuarial stuff, and plans for the future, a thing that Autistics have and that Humankind needs but has almost lost.
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/1
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#ND #Philosophy
#AutisticScience #Psychology
@autistics

still mad.
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You said "retarded," meant #ND people, not me. I was saying how spanking retards the development of the majority sort, and you decided I was talking about you.
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You'd better proscribe the word, your definition of it is shit.
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Not talking to anyone I know, I felt the hardest time yesterday from a few new accounts I'd never heard of.
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I banned them to feel better, a little deflective aggression per Sapolsky - but it was them who said that, not anyone who knows me a little. 💜
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but still mad, had to say that first thing, I could tell no-one was getting that.
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#ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD @autistics

kind of mad at mastodon today, that was frustrating
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I have to naysay and then when I see the arguments coming back, I give up, not enough spoons
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I’ve gone from thinking I can help others communicate and write to thinking there’s no point in me talking to anyone
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#ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD @autistics

How to understand/explain what having a neurotype means to NT who don’t know they do . . .
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what if you built an AI robot for some purpose and it wanted to science something, figure something out but you didn’t give it a readme file and it doesn’t know it’s say, a bender?
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What if it’s say, a bender but seems to think it’s some Skynet supercomputer?
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#ND
#AuDHD
#ActuallyAutistic
#autism

There’s no-one in particular to blame for me not knowing about neurotypes all my life - but it’s hard not to be pissed when you see them still trying to make sure no-one knows about it 😠
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#ND #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD @autistics

They’re stupid if they really think I’m some stupid liar - and obstinately so if they discover Autism and still really think it - but I’ve only been able to understand them as lying too, same same . . . and I’m not stupid or lying about my single focus in life, and so they’re probably not just stupid or lying either, it’s all a matter of neurotype - but it’s a pretty depressing experiment regarding neurotypes the way my NT people couldn’t understand “don’t spank,” and my gentleness on its face and could only categorize it as a lie.
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It’s same same in some ways, but both of our perceived lies are about me, so it seems different, like which of us knows me and therefore knows whether I’m lying or not? But it’s still the same.
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#ND #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic @autistics

I got bounced out of my marriage in '16 and crashed out of work soon after - and I've just sorted my work clothes and all my old clothes, I've been gaining inches, everything is too small. To be fair, it was all too small then and I've never been able to do up the button on a pair of pants in my life. Still keeping a few things that are six inches too small because I have nothing else and who knows, maybe I'll get sick and waste away until something fits again - but I'm losing at least a dozen pairs of brand new pants and bunch more that are just almost new, cargoes, and dockers, kind of thing, khakis. Some sort of fancy stuff, hiking pants and moisture wicking golf shirts.
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Got to figure out the best place to give it to.
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But ten years before I found the spoons for that, that's how hard I crashed, how bad it's been. 😬 💔
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#ND #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD @autistics

RE: https://autistics.life/@punishmenthurts/116500879271974808

For the #ND, there's a bit in the Call of the Void section, the social leap off the cliff of that superpower where you say exactly, perfectly the wrong thing 😀
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@autistics

ah, there's another memory getting audited for Autism - Dad's this time.
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My sib would do something hyperactive, break something and Dad would start in on them for it, and they would start to say, "I didn't think (something)," and Dad would cut them off with, "That's right, you DON'T think (like, period)," and it's still rather shit of Dad, but boy oh boy, don't I, maybe don't we, think that about people sometimes, don't you people ever stop and think, LOL.
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I mean, that's what CBT says too.
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#ND #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic @autistics #Psychology

my interoception may be suspect, but judging by the way my face is all screwed up like Mo
from the Stooges, I’m guessing something hurts 😠
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#ND #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #IWatchTooMuchTV @autistics

listened to a cancer research ad and I heard something nasty in it, like, "ending cancer forever," sounds like "ending Autism," what, there's no money for treatment, we don't want to support people with cancer, we want to end it forever so we don't have to
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but I got a bad attitude, I guess
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#IWatchTooMuchTV #ND #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD @autistics

I has this thought to tweak
Positively 4th Street, Bob Dylan for #ND folks, but it hardly seems necessary to change a thing. I always wondered just who he was talking to in it. I guess it was normal people. 😀💜
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“You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend
When I was down, you just stood there grinning
You got a lotta nerve to say you got a helping hand to lend
You just want to be on the side that's winning

You say I let you down, you know it's not like that
If you're so hurt, why then don't you show it?
You say you lost your faith, but that's not where it's at
You had no faith to lose and you know it

I know the reason that you talk behind my back
I used to be among the crowd you're in with
Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide what he don't know to begin with?

You see me on the street, you always act surprised
You say, "How are you?", "Good luck", but you don't mean it
When you know, as well as me, you'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once and scream it?

No, I do not feel that good when I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I was a master thief, perhaps I'd rob them
And now I know you're dissatisfied with your position and your place
Don't you understand, it's not my problem?

I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment I could be you
Yes, I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is to see you”
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#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD @autistics

ten years and the RSD is as strong as ever
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#ND #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD @autistics

People ask each other here, would you cure your Autism if that was a thing (it is not), and I will tell you I could use a better body, but I love my Autistic brain so much that I spend every waking minute high off my ass so that I see only reflections of my own mind as much as possible in this Allistic world.
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Positively 4th. Street again: if you could stand inside my shoes, if I could give you a peek, you’d know what a drag it is to see you, I mean, if the Allistics ever saw what I see about themselves, they would spend the rest of their days hunting down the people responsible for a bloody revenge.
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If they could feel what was done to them, but of course that level of burn destroys the nerves.
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#ND #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD @autistics