mentalillness

I realize the staggering audacity of me asking this considering I was literally just saying within the past day or two that I wouldn't want to place the onus on anyone to be a #guarantor or co-signer for us on an apartment and potentially leave them liable for my debts in case I was disabled/fired/died/etc.

I think I also said it because I don't really think anyone who is *able* to co-sign safely would be *willing* to for us.

After all, I have zero proof of ability to pay -- I have a CSV file with a list of #venmo transactions to the hotel we were at for nine months, which total substantially more than wages I earned for that same period because most of that was covered by #MutualAid from the pockets of fellow Fediverse users.

Then there's the shame of it all -- our own families refuse to co-sign for us on anything at all. Understandably so. We both have a horrible track record.

Not to mention countless others are in much more dire circumstances than us and can manage their lives without constant panhandling to exist.

How can I expect a complete stranger to blindly co-sign someone who has very clearly indicated they're unreliable for paying bills? I could be a scammer. I could be a Nigerian prince. I could even be AI. I could be the ghost of Margaret Thatcher, and you'd have simply no idea.

If I had money, would I co-sign on an apartment for a perfect stranger with whom I'd interacted solely online? Probably not.

Whatever.

Clownish antics aside, ultimately I'm just tired. So very, very tired.

I'm tired of my #MentalIllness interfering with everything. I'm tired of not being able to care for my family.

I'm tired of seeing my partner tremble with fear of whether we'll be living out of our car just in time for the Gestapo to start rounding up the #homeless.

I'm tired of hotels and tyrant hotel managers. I'm tired of not knowing whether we have a place to live from day to day.

I'm tired of not having any goddamned hot water.

I know there is so much ugliness in this world and I'm being incredibly myopic about my own petty concerns, but in all fairness I'm *always* incredibly myopic with my own concerns. (It's not something I'm proud of, it just.. is)

So.. I'm while I'm immensely ashamed to be asking this -- I think our families would be mortified if they knew I was even considering this, and again understandably so..

Desperate times call for desperate measures and I'm running out of options.

Here we go...

**If anyone is of the ability, willingness and means to potentially co-sign or act as guarantor on an apartment for my partner, our border collie, and me, please DM at your earliest convenience.**

Thank you everyone.

I apologize for doing this *yet again*.

Last night was the third shift in a row that I had zero funds available for a daily pay advance because of the stupid bonus I got earlier in the week requiring them to equalize my "wage income" so that heaven forbid they don't accidentally overpay me.

This means we've drained everything from the bonus *and* most of the cash from the money order we obtained a couple of weeks ago after fundraising in our failed attempt to qualify for an apartment.

I also forgot that our auto insurance policy is due for renewal in a couple of days and it's important to try and keep that going since my current commute is a little fraught with peril given the typical traffic for this area.

But it's also a pretty big pill to swallow; we have to pay the remainder of our current policy period *and* the first payment of the new one, which total nearly $350.

So.. to recap: we're once again out of money; we're still in a motel; and I've got an insurance payment that's nearly the cost of a week's stay in said motel. The money originally intended to help us get into an apartment is already gone to make up for the lack of available pay advances.

Which regrettably means I must once again turn to the #MutualAid community, hat in hand, hoping to raise the funds to at least cover our car insurance (so glad it's legal for them to charge me more based on my credit history 🙄).

I am so goddamned tired of trying to survive on $16/hr.

I am so fucking tired of working my ass off for $16/hr.

I am so tired of #poverty exacerbating my #MentalIllness.

I am so damned tired of draining everyone else's financial resources just to stay safe and housed.

I am so. goddamned. tired.

If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, *do NOT feel guilty* for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad.

Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

(At least I think it's been a week? Everything blurs together nowadays.)

Hello everyone. We made it to the modest rate reduction point for our motel room, and the taxes we've paid (on this specific stay) have been refunded to our account and will keep us housed for at least another day or two.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to catch up enough on things to get our auto insurance taken care of. Progressive is about to send us to collections unless we can cough up at least $250 for our past due balance, and we need another $100 to implement a new policy, and that leaves us with almost nothing to work with for food/expenses until I can do a pay advance on Tuesday.

I realize this is a big one, and I wish I could postpone it but I'm really scared of my luck running out in this car-centric urban sprawl where we live. I don't have the spoons (or money.. it's now more than $5 just to ride the fucking bus here) to commute four hours a day on public transit when I can drive there in less than 10 minutes. And while I may have a death wish, it isn't to be impaled on the grill of a jacked-up F-150 so biking/walking isn't practical eithe3r.

So..... if there's anyone left who hasn't already muted me for constant panhandling, who is willing AND safely able to do so, I would greatly appreciate any donations no matter how small. Last but certainly not least, PLEASE DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED/GUILTY if you're in the same boat and can't help. Just give us a boost and a friendly hello - it is *still* incredibly helpful.

Thanks in advance everyone, and I apologize for having to do this for the millionth time. #MutualAid #Solidarity #MentalIllness (because if I wasn't fucking mental I probably wouldn't need to keep doing this)

Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: penguinpower8182@gmail.com
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3