cannabis

Edit: I had to reduce the amount we'd raised because I had to waste it on a new work shirt trying to get rid of perfume that was starting to make it hard for me to breathe: https://beige.party/@LibertyForward1/114741194007442670

In a few weeks' time, things at work have gone from me being almost excited to go there -- despite working with a skeleton crew because of boycotts and the impending economic armageddon -- to waking up filled with dread in anticipation of the latest shitshow.

Good times.

I'm so goddamned tired of my brain.

Since I've failed to properly develop adequate coping mechanisms, I rely heavily on #cannabis to maintain my already-hanging-by-a-thread emotional regulation. My partner relies heavily on it to manage his severe and untreated #PTSD.

And of course we've both just run out, just as my three less-than-a-year-old shoes have all disintegrated despite this being a brand whose shoes in the past have lasted me half a decade or more, just as the tread on my spare tire is becoming an unsettling faint smoothness, just as my car insurance is about to expire again, just as we're beginning to run out of food again, while nearly every penny of my take-home pay goes to keeping us off the streets.

I can't afford minimum wage. Fuck me sideways and call me Shirley, I'm not sure there's enough cannabis in the world to numb the inexorable radio static in my brain from everything in my immediate periphery as well as.. well, everything outside of my immediate periphery if you catch my drift.

I'm so tired.

To take care of all the aforementioned crises would cost upwards of $400, not counting replenishing groceries. But my number one can't-live-without right now is our medical cannabis and I'll settle for that if nothing else, so that is our goal: the price of a dispensary visit.

So if you're hesitant to donate to #MutualAid causes because you're afraid they might spend it all on drugs, in this case you can set your mind at ease because rest assured that is precisely what I will be doing with it, because *gestures wildly at everything in the world so hard I pull a muscle because yay middle age*.

I'm sorry to keep using up so much Mutual Aid resources. Please bear with us a little longer, and in the meantime I hope to god I can figure out a way to earn more money soon despite my unpredictably rampaging #BPD.

If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, *do NOT feel guilty* for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings about it are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad.

Thank you everyone in advance for your help.

Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

Hi Everyone!

I've been meaning to do this since I migrated from the bad site in November 2022. I may be guilty of procrastination from time to time. Anyway.. I started on mastodon.social, migrated to mastodon.lol (RIP), briefly ran my own mastodon instance and then migrated to the mighty beige.

I'm a middle-aged, white, #bisexual, #polyamorous, cisgender male and deal with #BPD, #anxiety, and #depression. I live on the outskirts of what I lovingly call the "Mormon Vatican". I self-medicate with #cannabis to maintain emotional regulation. I live with my partner who struggles with #CPTSD, crippling anxiety, depression and BPD tendencies; and also with our obese, codependent #BorderCollie. I almost compulsively use profanity. My content is probably not suited for younger viewers.

My partner is currently unable to work due to the aforementioned conditions. We're currently between residences and have been staying in an extended-stay style hotel while my partner recovers from a recent toxic living situation.

Meanwhile, I put every ounce of my #spoons into poverty-wage #retail. I simply don't have the stamina to work a second job.

Our goal is to be moved into permanent housing in the next 60 days, in large part because this motel costs more than my entire monthly wage income (including a recent rate hike of over $350/mo), and any expenses beyond that have unfortunately been the burden of the #MutualAid community.

Essentially, we've been "making a living from panhandling" because written content and curation by amateurs like myself generally isn't a lucrative endeavor, and I'm always too damned tired to pursue podcasting or vlogging.

If you're someone morally opposed to seeing a #MutualAidRequest in your timeline (or wax pedantic about the etymology and perversion of the term being used in this manner instead of "begging"), you'll probably want to disengage at least for the immediate future. On the other hand, you've likely already muted the terms and therefore won't even be able to see this post, so..

Somehow there are still people who have put up with our begging and "grifting". I would guess their motivation is sort of like a Simpsons quote that seemed particularly appropriate for our situation:

=~=~=
"But why did you do it?"
"I felt there was something special in you. It's like rooting for the Cubs. You keep thinking they'll make it, and then you realize they never, ever will."
=~=~=

If you couldn't already gather, I'm a hardcore, bleeding-heart #progressive. I'm also a deeply-flawed, hypocritical poser about all those things a la Brian Griffin on "Family Guy". I try to divert my views and rants about this to my secondary account @LibertyForward1.

I boost *a lot*. That post average on my profile? It's not an exaggeration; it's updated automatically at midnight local time. Expect an avalanche of #cat pics, #dog pics, other interesting animal pics, and metric (not imperial) shittons of #shitposts. I love weird, vulgar, and silly. I'll almost always boost a #DadJoke if it's sufficiently cringe.

Also.. Brevity isn't my strongest suite.