读林璎的#boundaries
不管是二十来岁时候参加比赛时的越战纪念碑注解，还是后来写下的关于她的其他作品的诠释，我觉得她好冷静。再大的议题，战争还是平等，她的作品和文字都举重若轻。
带着这个感受，我读着读着到书的中段。她仿佛听出了我作为读者的好奇，这一段，写她因着这张面孔，总被陌生人追问“where are you originally from”。疏离和冷静，原来来自无处归属的观望。
#读书笔记
boundaries
EVERY SINGLE DAY in parenting groups, I see posts that say "[family member] knowingly exposed us to an illness! What do I do?"
We literally learned AN ENTIRE SET OF SKILLS FOR HOW TO HANDLE THIS DURING A MULTI-YEAR PANDEMIC THAT NEVER ENDED.
But now that everyone is "back to normal," I guess they have amnesia about masks, pods, and explicit conversations about illness and exposures?
If you expect others to respect your boundaries, it's a good idea to actively communicate them. Ideally _before_ you feel like they've been crossed.
#Boundaries are highly personal and flexible and varying. Something that may be OK one moment can totally not be OK the next. But if you expect others to "sense" your current boundaries, or follow what you think are "general rules and expectations", you're bound to have violent experiences. It also leads to constant misunderstandings, anxieties and hypervigilance. It's not your job to preemptively co-regulate your environment.
If you have a hard time setting them before you feel attacked, that's totally normal, _but also something worthwhile to investigate and heal from_. This is your responsibility. Not that of the people around you.
Edited 27d ago