actuallyautistic
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You weren’t “high-functioning.”
You were masking.
You weren’t “coping.”
You were dissociating.
You weren’t “fine.”
You were in burnout.
They praised your performance.
But never saw the cost.
You deserved care.
Not applause.
@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic very hard to do when the world is constantly gaslighting you…
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 835 , Monday 09/02/2026
Monday started Early, at around 06:30, partially because I went to bed a little earlier & partially because I’ve moved my bed slightly - only a couple of feet, just so its not right next to the window. Obviously my brain felt this was a couple of feet too many & treated it as ‘strange bed syndrome’ as if I had moved house or was sleeping elsewhere!
Did my chores & did a bit more wallpaper stripping in the box room - in theory I should be able to strip & redecorate in like 3 days but nowhere near enuf spoons for that, so I nibbled at at it a bit at a time.
Spent a chunk of time in medieval Bohemia too.
Ordered a new desk chair, Mrs S is treating me & I’ve see a right comfortable looking one in Costco™ in the sale!
Pizza burger for tea - yes another naughty takeaway. I really need to get my diet under control!
Finished season 2 of the Night Manager while we ate tea … well I never! (Can’t say more there maybe peeps who haven’t seen it yet! )
Final Thoughts.
I was a bit slow in ordering my chair, vacillating over wether to get it or not - thus while I did order it in time for the discount I did miss out on my trademark black finish.
That said the one I am getting is … Beige! So there’s some zen type karma type thing going off there!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Been de-cluttering my choices of video games as well as trying out more chill genres for my autistic brain.
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic how do you respond to something so moronic without sounding like a hostile asshole?
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic was just talking to my therapist about this last night…
…and gaslighting by others was a major factor explored
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 933 , Monday 18/05/2026
Up at crack of sparrows fart this morning, off to the gym bright & early!
Am improving slowly but surely although the weight is not coming off as fast as I had hoped - this is likely because my diet is still … a work in progress shall we call it!
Spent a chunk of the day zooming thru the Milky Way but I did take some stuff to the tip for Mrs S.
Final Thoughts.
I am in danger of actually enjoying going to the gym - take away the instruments of torture & all the people & it would be perfect! 😆
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
WRT #Discord, there's an effectively unsolvable conundrum we can't really face, folks. We'd all like the high moral standards that are found in the #OpenSource community, when done right: nobody screwing each other over for their PII, and other forms of leverage (walled-garden lock-in). Geeks get this, normies don't. (This gulf is very hard to cross, IMHO, without resorting to actual educational curriculum explaining it in schools.)
But then we have conflicting desires: we *also* want the buttery smoothness to a secure messaging ecosystem - total convenience, total functionality, *complete with a level-playing-field, "Net Neutral" infrastructure to run it on*, with no lobbied government or tech-bro interference skewing the traffic rules (QOS Rules). Good luck with that one, without strong gov't control, and solid grassroots lobbying behind it.
Lets be honest: #Signal is so great *because tens of millions of dollars were charitably spent on it*. Moxie didn't do his genius work *for free*. Where are tens of millions of *more* dollars going to come from, to make a Discord alternative? Would that be nowhere? Look, there's no quick and easy answers to Discord enshittifying. I've looked at #XMPP, #Matrix, #Deltachat, #Discourse, #Flarum, #PHPBB, #Zulip, #Mattermost, etc. and *each has its warts*. You'll dislike each of them, for different reasons. Each paints itself into a different corner. *There were no tens of millions of dollars upfront, at an early design phase, overlooked by qualified Computer Scientists, to prevent this, in each and every case.* #IRC doesn't bear mention in this comparison. None is the perfect replacement or answer. *None had those tens of millions of dollars which Signal had.*
Alas, they don't stand a chance to be the all-singing, all-dancing solutions that the techbros can finance, *along with their predictable, rotten lack of a moral compass to accompany the slickness.* Every non-geek teenager will side with the techbros, owing to 1) convenience, and 2) that's where their friends are, *which mean the world to a teenager*.
So in summary, we are doomed by our own psychological limitations, as a demographic. The psychological predators - the techbros - can't help but prey on the normies, and the normies can't help but turn to the predators, who at least offer convenience, if no other thing. And the geeks who have a moral compass stand in the middle, ignored by-and-large, feeling anxious and powerless, not having any tens of millions of dollars behind their altruism.
![Avatar for Emily Moran Barwick [archived]](/proxy/identity_icon/280779823553852866/0ce5ffc456.png){kind=icon}
Hi. I'm terrified.
I've been trying to make my own space on the web for years. And I've been stuck. Badly.
But today is my birthday. And I refuse to let another year pass without putting something—anything—out there.
So here it is in all its messy glory. My first post on my barely-there #website: https://fromemily.com/hi-im-terrified/
It's not great. But it's okay...enough.
And I hope it means something to someone.
@actuallyautistic
#SmallWeb #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyADHD #writing #blogging
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 836 , Tuesday 10/02/2026
Tuesday has been a quiet day for the most part, chores were done & more wallpaper has vanished off the walls of the box room.
There may even have been some time spent in medieval Bohemia!
I do like KCD2, just entered the 2nd of 2 huge open world maps, so much to explore!
Final Thoughts.
Oh Nuggan’s holey nuts I wish this winter was over, it is wall to wall grey, or thats how it seems!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Hot take: Refusing to adapt to AI/LLM mirrors a lack of patience for autistic & neurodivergent persons. If you can't handle an AI, you can't handle a person. I'm talking communication & treatment, not Copyright. Refusing explicit context reveals bias.#AI #Autism #Neurodiversity #ActuallyAutistic
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic certain people at work are pushing back on a newsletter item (from two months ago) sharing info on a workshop series from @theautisticcoach
the claim is it may violate "policy" but does not clearly explain how or why other than "it's an outside event" and not "affiliated or partnered with" us and yet other items like it for the past 3 years were fine
this is the epitome of "not being socially acceptable” in the workplace
this is my default for the past two years and yet, i get attacked more now than ever…
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic how do you respond to people who are trying to "manage you”?
currently embroiled in multiple "land wars in Asia” over disability rights issues and there's multiple people trying to “manage me" while i am expressing opinions that make them uncomfortable.
what makes this worse, it’s been going on for over a week now.
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 837 , Wednesday 11/02/2026
Wednesday has been another manky winters day!
Chores were done, more wallpaper was stripped of its dignity & throw naked to the floor of the box room - I was up a set of short stepladders getting the bits my short-arsed frame won’t allow me to reach!
Then a romp around medieval Bohemia!
We watched a documentary about the 5 brave double agents who convinced Hitler that D-day was gonna hit Calais.
It’s sad to think that the far right are upturning their efforts & ensuring that their sacrifice was, ultimately, in vain!
Final Thoughts.
I’m quite pleased with the progress in the box room, there maybe sanders at dawn next week when I’m planning to tackle the woodwork!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic just finished yet another “This could have been an email" Zoom and two observations:
(1) why do we feel the need to defend NOT going on camera?
(2) why do people still use keyboards that are super loud?
any and all opinions welcome, since i’m genuinely curious
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 963 , Wednesday 17/06/2026
Wednesday started early after a very short night with not much sleep - after the evenings being so cold it was a shock to the system for it to be so warm!
Nothing much to report about today, pretty much the same old house elf lifestyle with a bit of gaming thrown in.
Final Thoughts.
It struck me today that even though I have been going to the gym for a few weeks now I don’t actually know the names of anyone there - except a couple of the staff. Not that I’m the shy retiring type!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Never underestimate the power of glitter.
—Raymond Reddington, The Blacklist
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 953 , Sunday 07/06/2026
Well against all expectations I got another lie in this morning - sleeping right thru until the alarm woke me at 08:30!
There was a thing at breakfast that cast a pall on the rest of the day, nothing serious but it dragged my mood down to ground level!
Otherwise it has been a fairly quiet day, had to take some photos of the car - someone had reversed into Mrs S in a car park yesterday & we have had to get the insurance involved. Mrs S can’t use their app so yours truly had to do it.
Played some NMS & Starfield before making a late lunch then after hauling Mrs S’s office chair into her ‘study’ we settled down to catch up on some of her TV shows.
Made a salad for tea, which went nicely with a quiche Mrs S had bought.
A couple of eps of season 3 of ‘The Diplomat’ finished the day nicely.
Final Thoughts.
I am struggling to read stuff at the moment - anything longer than a couple of sentences & it’s like the words become a cluster of letters. It’s not that I can’t read anymore, more like my brain just switches off when it sees more than it can cope with at the time.
Hopefully this is a temporary thing.
That said I can read my book of an evening, when I am relaxed & my brain has litt;e else to contend with so maybe it is an overwhelm thing?
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic i do have three myself so…
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic for those of us with formal accommodations at work, did leadership (at all levels) become more passive aggressive towards you after they were in place?
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic the person who invents the Point of View gun (for reals) wins the game of life…
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic i love how neurotypical brain thinks a document filed as “clean doc" would indicate to anyone that it is a fully executed copy...
…like, i don’t know, it being labeled "FULLY EXECUTED”...
...caps are not emphasis, but standard filing convention that is apparently being ignored