Emotional pain, sensory issues, autism
actuallyautistic
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic anyone else feel the need to get haircuts more often than before COVID lockdown?
pre-COVID i could go a good 90-120 days and now if i get past 60 i feel like i have bugs crawling on my head.
for the record, i just had a haircut after my last one 72 days ago, and i feel so much better now
I’ve been trying to explain two autistic / AuDHD experiences that I have to a non-autistic loved one for a couple of years now, but I’m finding it really hard!
1. The first: difficulty with uncertainty.
I explain this like it is an anxiety that diminishes the more information I gain that reduces the levels of uncertainty. But the word “anxiety” makes my loved one interpret it as always being about fear, just like anxiety usually means more generally. E.g. fear, on any level, even minor, of a potential negative event happening in the future. But I am not always afraid or worried, so this interpretation doesn’t work. It’s purely the uncertainty itself I find hard to deal with, and I can experience this around things I enjoy and when know there will be no negative outcomes at all. It relates strongly to disliking surprises. E.g. if I am walking from A to B and someone suddenly bumps into me, I HATE that! But if I choose to walk in a busy crowd, I expect people to bump into me and it’s totally fine. I hate being uncertain whether someone will bump into me or not, too.
2. The second topic can be totally separate or experienced together with the first: anticipation!
I have also tried to explain this as like a form of anxiety, but I have frequently felt this anticipation before hugely and purely positive events! It relates to something coming up soon that I am not familiar with. Familiarity in this sense usually only happens when I have either done things so frequently in my life that I can’t forget it, or I’ve experienced it about 3 or so times in the last month. This means revisiting a favourite restaurant that I haven’t been to for a year would cause this type of anticipation. The anticipation often stops me from being able to sleep the night before and my mind is often running through how the event might unfold, planning and so on, even if all the plans are already made and all preparation already done. As I said before, this often happens with purely positive events, so it’s so strange to explain it!
I suspect that these two experiences are very common for autistic people, and the latter, anticipation, probably affects lots of neurodivergent people. I wondered if my ADHD is influencing the anticipation, for example, and maybe I’m just wanting to remember what I need to do for the event since I likely can’t use a routine for something unfamiliar to me? I don’t know! In this case, perhaps anticipation WOULD be classic anxiety since it relates to fear of forgetting something important or losing track of time. But sometimes it’s just an impatient feeling.
What do you think?
Does anyone else experience these two things? Perhaps in a different way to me? If so, how would you describe it to someone who has never experienced it?
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic just restrained myself from sharing information to prevent from being called a “smart ass", but what in reality is (to me at least) common knowledge
Edited 322d ago
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 787 , Tuesday 23/12/2025
Tuesday started just after 7am, I put ear plugs in last night & took some codeine to quell my aches & pains & I slept like a log, so while I was up earlyish it was because my body was rested enough for once.
Busy day today, sorted the laundry out, emptied the dishwasher & did the other normal daily chores .
Then I vacuumed & mopped the relevant downstairs floors.
Then I sorted thru the latest box from my late MiLs house. So much stuff to go thru!
Cooked ham & Cranston pickle sandwich for lunch then I cast around for a movie to watch while wrapping presents - settled on Tomb Raider, which is a nice turn your brain off movie that I haven’t seen for a while.
Presents were mostly wrapped by the time Mrs S got home at just gone 6pm, by which time I’d finished her pressies & was working on the way of the families. I’ll finish them tomorrow.
We finished the cooked ham joint tonight, accompanied by a (cheaty) mushroom sauce, sweetcorn & new potatoes. It was very nice considering I made the thing up on the spur of the moment.
Final Thoughts.
It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
RE: https://mastodon.social/@ScienceScholar/115777453870755226
i also like to know the incidence of late diagnosed autistic women in this study. i have the feeling the incidence would be very high
#actuallyautistic @autistics
I'm exhausted, upset and don't have the energy to unmask and explain why. Had a bit of a cry to myself. God, I feel like an 80s teen movie cliché.
I couldn't escape my family ramblings, because one person is upstairs while the other is downstairs and they be talking where they are like that. The decibels and room coverage is too much for me. Like pleeaase shut the hell up before I crash out.
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic and this is why i beat my head against a brick wall every month when employee disability issues come up since my fellow board members are the epitome of this…
…and for that matter, so is our employee disability affinity group
Edited 249d ago
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 791 , Saturday 27/12/2025
Saturday started very late, the trick to deep & long sleep is total emotional, mental & physical exhaustion & an effective set of ear plugs!!
Got up & made breakfast, folded the laundry then settled down to catch up on some of the Christmas shows.
Made us some sarnies & threw in a couple of pickles & cheese bites.
We watched the last Bridget Jones movie & it has to be said I am the the biggest baby on the planet, it only takes an overly soppy scene & I’m blubbering away!
Mrs S will insist on overfeeding our varmints, which inevitably leads to them being sick somewhere - this time on the stairs - not what you want to step in in stocking feet.
Hey ho, clean socks, clean up the vomit & await the next little gift!
20:18 once more Mrs S listens to mindless dross on Fashbook & I cook , wash up & clean up. The work of a house-elf is never done!
Final Thoughts.
Bah humbug.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 789 , Thursday 25/12/2025
Christmas Day 2025:-
We woke, we ate, we watched movies.
There was some other stuff but its Christmas - peace, joy & happiness to all peeps so I will keep that brushed under the carpet.
Final Thoughts.
Everything that could be fine is … fine!
Oh & I ate 2 wafer thin mints! 😆
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 803 , Thursday 08/01/2026
Thursday started around 07:30 when it was harder to stay in bed than to get up & start the day.
Mrs S had already breakfasted so l was left to my own devices.
After doing my chores I finally caved & bought ‘Kingdom Come:Deliverance 2’ (KCD2 for future ref) in the PSN sale - yes I know I’m a slave to the consumer society but I need virtual worlds to inhabit to get away from the car crash that is the real world. I did get 50% off so at least I wasn’t paying full whack!
So it won’t take a genius to figure out what I spent the rest of the doing!
We had cheat stew & chips for tea because I forgot to get something out to defrost for tea this morning.
We finished watching ‘Civilisations’ on the BBC iPlayer & were reminded that we are very much not learning from the mistakes of the past!
Final Thoughts.
So ICE have moved on from immigrants, DEI & ethnic minorities I see. Sadly I also see that UK forces were involved in military action along side US forces against shipping on the high seas … what was the term in Elizabeth the 1st’s reign? Oh yes Privateering! 🙄🤦♂️
Portuguese & Spanish shipping better watch their backs!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 804 , Friday 09/01/2026
Friday started just before half 7 in the AM.
It’s been a quiet day again.
After finishing my chores I hid away in medieval Bohemia again.
The reviewers are right, it’s not a game to play in a rush. I’ve got to try & find my characters dog & it’s gonna take days!
Chinese takeaway for tea by way of a change.
Final Thoughts.
Not a bad day at all - still rubbish at fighting in KCD2 but there is so much else in the game that that hardly matters at the moment.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 901 , Thursday 16/04/2026
Up just before 7am this morning but was feeling a bit lazy so read until the hour struck.
Bit of a busy morning, posted a card to a friend in Cork Hospital, & then went on to the leisure centre to pick up my membership card.
A slice of lemon drizzle cake might have accidentally been bought & escorted home too! 😆
I was going to go shopping but we still have plenty of food in the freezer so I have deferred that until next week so there is more space for some decent grub!
Spent the afternoon flying around the Milky Way, I sussed how to use the commerce map to help me find the entry fee for Liz Ryder - it’ll have cost me in excess of ½ a million credits to see this lass, she best be the bee’s flipping knees!
Final Thoughts.
My leg was much better this morning when I got up & has continued to behave itself thru the day so I’m going to risk it going to the gym tomorrow - I’m kinda hoping the exercise will help it along!
Really quite nervous about the whole gym thing, having to meet other peoples expectations &, more importantly, my own!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 790 , Friday 26/12/2025
Boxing day started at around 07:00.
I made breakfast & then we got ready & headed out over the hills to visit my family.
It’s been a great day, the weather had been sunny - but cold, the company has been congenial & there has been plenty to eat & drink (mostly tea because I was driving.)
We exchanged the obligatory gifts & came back with some tasty goodies!
My resolution to lose weight will have to wait!
We got back a short time ago & now I am more than ready for bed!
Final Thoughts.
A good but long & tiring day!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 792 , Sunday 28/12/2025
Sunday started late with a lie in until 8am which was nice.
After breakfast I made the bed, including the periodical turning & topping & tailing of the mattress - always fun in a small room!
Then we were off to my late MiLs to clear the lounge ready for a meeting tomorrow with the minister who will be taking the funeral service.
We are also expecting the folks who are coming for all the medical equipment my MiL needed in the last couple of years.
We got back in time for a late lunch of turkey sarnies for Mrs S & liver pate sarnies for me.
We had a relaxed afternoon catching up on the Christmas TV specials.
I finally had a night off cooking & cleaning as we had a Chinese takeaway for tea!
Final Thoughts.
Tomorrow is going to be a very early start & potentially a very long day - I really hope that the medical equipment folks turn up early!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
The past week with the heat, and now last night with sporadic thunder and smoke from the fires and the house still being hot has been bloody awful. Nothing compared to what people in the fire zones are experiencing, but still grim.
#vicpol #auspol #climate ##Autism #autistic #neurodiverse @autistics #AutisticBurnout #ActuallyAutistic
I just stared reading #AutisticMenopause, and I LOVE how they describe Autistic people as Autistic experts. #bookstodon #ActuallyAutistic
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic today may be a very hard day as i have the feeling my aging cat may pass away while i’m out for 12 hours engaging in my primary special interest…
…but what may make it tolerable is the kind faces of people i see but once a year who don’t assume i’m odd or irritating or an asshole just for being my unmasked self
Edited 213d ago
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic in college my academic advisor said my competence was my penance for a past life…
…just had the most evident example of it just now when another manager asked me (directly) to handle scheduling for her INSTEAD of asking her own admin...
…her same admin i just had to include in the scheduling request anyway
@autistics #ActuallyAutistic sharing this here since i think it was previously only on my former instance
Diary of an AuDHD Squirrel. Day 793 , Monday 29/12/2025
Monday started ridiculously early at around 06:30 as we were going across to my late MiLs to meet the preacher who was going to take her funeral service & also be around for the folks to come & pick up the thousand & one zimmer frames & various other aids including the hospital bed that she had been given while she was ill.
Breakfast was dealt with swiftly & chores done in short order.
As we were getting ready to leave we got a text that the medical equipment folks would now be attending between 10:45 & 14:45. This allowed us a little longer to sort ourselves out but it did present the problem that the might be a clash as Kevin the Preacher was due at 11am!
We got there at around 09:45 & cracked on with the final tidying required in the lunge which included moving the armchairs & sofa so as to facilitate the removal of the medical equipment ... heck I'll be pleased that today is the last time I will have to type that phrase for a while!
Everything is sooooo dirty, I'm not sure if a cleaning crew or an atomic bomb would be the most effective way of making it ready for prospective buyers later next year!
We had a really good meeting with Kevin, he guided us thru the requirements of the service, music, readings, family history. When it came to the readings he asked if there was a poem we would like to use & I tentatively suggested the poem I posted here a couple of months back 'Guardians'. Mrs S had not read it - I reserve such things for my Peeps on here & she liked it, as did Kevin - to the extent that he asked if he could use it at other funerals! I was gobsmacked! I mean my poetry is remedial at best, certainly nothing I would consider reading or having others read in public!
So we are having a couple of New Testament readings & my poem.
The meeting was quite long but it was worth it, Mrs S is far happier with the prospect of the funeral now it has all been laid out & agreed.
We only had to wait about 30 minutes for the guy who came to pick up the medical equipment, then another 30 minutes for him to load up his van, I never realised medical beds were quite so portable ... they put IKEA ™ to shame!
We were all done & ready to leave to pick up some lunch at 13:30, a quick butty, snack & drink from Sainsgogs.
Then the last part of the days outing was to head to the Carers offices & drop off a thank you card & some fancy biscuits.
The plan then was a quick trip to the local recycling centre & then home - however no end of people had had the same idea & there was quite the queue!
We waited 15 or 20 minutes to get onsite then got shut of a load of electronics that were either from the storage, had blown batteries or were just too dirty to salvage.
The last thing of note was that as I was dumping an old stereo I spotted a set of kia car keys in the bottom of the container - there was a barrier in front of the crate so my little arms could not reach them but one of the centre's staff was close at hand & he fetched them, & there were cries of thanks from the owners of the kia in question as we crossed the site back to the car. It's nice to be nice, something that the Far Right would do well to remember while they are busy trashing everything & everyone in sight.
We got home in time for a mid afternoon coffee & then settled in for some well earned sitting & sippin.
Final Thoughts.
It's been a long but fruitful day, progress has been made on multiple fronts, not least in reducing Mrs S's stress levels & therefore mine too.
Tomorrow is designated as a 'stay in bed as long as humanly possible' day - certainly by me! I'm not sure if Mrs S is in work, if she is she is working from home.
Ear plugs are being armed & primed as we speak!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@autistics
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves
Share a strategy (any kind) you use to calm yourself down when you are catastrophizing, and why you think it works for you.
#MentalHealth #AuDHD #ADHD #ActuallyAutistic @autistics #ChronicIllness #Disability #AskFedi #Boost4Reach #ChronicPain