Bernice "Bernie" Rhodenbarr is a burglar by trade, and she runs a bookstore as well. Her friend Carl Hefler is a dog groomer. After a successful burglary, it's discovered that a dead body was in the house she burgled. As she's the only one who can be placed at the scene of the crime, she has to use her criminal skills to clear her name of the murder AND avoid getting charged with the burglary.

Stroker Ace, a champion NASCAR driver, is standing at the top of his career, but is getting fed up with having to do as he's told. In between rebelling against his sponsor (a fried chicken chain)'s promotion gimmicks (like making him dress up in giant chicken suit) he spends the rest of the movie trying to bed the buxom Pembrook.

Doug is a Secret Service Agent who has just completed his stint in charge protecting Tess Carlisle—the widow of a former U.S. President, and a close personal friend of the current President. He finds that she has requested that he not be rotated but instead return to be her permanent detail. Doug is crushed, and—after returning—wants off her detail as she is very difficult to guard and makes her detail crazy with her whims and demands.

A singing cowboy roams the Wild West with his sidekick, dancing horse and fancy wardrobe.