An oddball family on a Kansas farm are trapped in their farmhouse by an impending storm. The patriarch of the clan is a retired soda pop tycoon. He is currently dating a children's TV evangelist. Also living at the farm is his layabout daughter and her precocious 8 year old daughter, his would-be artist son, the son's fiancée, and the black maid. Also thrown into the mix is the daughter's ex-husband, a ne-er-do-well who is seeking to get back in his ex-wife's good graces.

In 1930s Texas, pulp fiction master Robert E. Howard is introduced to Novalyne Price, a teacher with aspirations of becoming an author herself, and they begin a unique relationship filled with conversation and imagination. Although the possibility exists for romance, Howard's obsession with his work and dedication to his sick mother leads Price to look elsewhere for love, leaving Howard feeling betrayed and alone.

Reclusive vampires lounge in a lonely American town. They wear sun cream to protect themselves. A descendant of Van Helsing arrives with hilarious consequences.