Lazy preppie Palmer Woodrow hires street-smart Eddie Keaton to go to school for him while he lives it up in Europe. Eddie falls in love with preppie gal Tracey, upsetting Biff, the Hoover Academy bully. When his bookie from the old neighborhood, Dice, comes to collect on Eddie's gambling debts and Palmer returns early from Europe, the scheme slowly starts to unravel. Soon, Eddie can't even tell whose side he's really on.

A beauty contest turns into a hostage situation, when the Miss Galaxy competition is taken over by a gang, demanding a ransom of diamonds. Sharon, a kick-boxing actress, is the host of the show, and the thorn in the terrorists side.

Two Los Angeles cops go undercover to investigate the distribution of steroids to wrestlers and body builders.

Melvin White, a neurotic, accident-prone cop who gets demoted to the night shift, secretly moonlights as the Unknown Comic, an anonymous stand-up comedian who performs with a paper bag over his head. When someone using the same guise commits a string of bar robberies in town, some begin to suspect that White is the culprit.

A professional model, Sam Crain, is asked by her sister to smuggle a package from Europe to Portland Oregon, where she discovers that her sister is battling Chinese Shaolin Monks (not ninjas!). Fleeing the monks, Sam unwittingly involves Ed "Brainsmasher" Molloy, a nightclub bouncer.