After his long-time girlfriend dumps him, a thirty-year-old record store owner seeks to understand why he is unlucky in love while recounting his "top five breakups of all time".

In the future, the desert country of Turaqistan is torn by a riot after private corporation Tamerlane, owned by the former Vice President of the United States, has taken over. Brand Hauser, a hitman who suppresses his emotions by gobbling down hot sauce, is hired by the corporation's head to kill the CEO of their competitors.